dream big

new blog

2007-01-01T19:13:00.000-08:00

it's been nearly six months since i've posted. i love this blog. it gave me a reason to write, a motivation to write, and a venue to do it. but as time passed i began to feel i said what i had to say, and as the focus of my life and my work began to shift i stopped posting.

since then i've often missed blogging, missed the regularity, the community. but i couldn't see myself picking it up again at dream big. i felt the need for a new space. a new place to share my thoughts. finally, today i decided to go for it. it seems fitting to start a new blog on the first day of a new year. a new space to write, to remember and to dream.

my new blog has no real connection to this blog, beyond the fact that it is written by me. dream big has always been a blog for others, while it certainly fed my soul, i created it as a space to inspire, to share hope and to encourage others to dream. i'm creating my new blog, age nine, for me. so that i can write. it exists for that reason and that reason alone.

with that said, i welcome all of my readers. this blog may not be for you, but just as dream big fed my soul perhaps age nine will feed yours.

happy new year,
kmj

summer sabbatical

2006-06-22T06:17:00.000-07:00

how quickly a month passes...hard to believe it's been that long since i last posted. noticing that fact prompted me to let you all know that i am taking a blogging sabbatical. i may still post, who knows maybe i'll even post more, but i want to give myself permission to take a break as i am thinking about working on some different writing projects.

i love being a blogger, i love the opportunity to share my thoughts, to be in coversation with people and to make connections with folks from around the world. i thank each and every one of you who has read my blog for your part in creating that experience with me.

as always if you have thoughts or comments feel free to post 'em here or send me an email.

dream big,
-kirsten

life as a catalyst for change

2006-05-16T05:54:00.000-07:00

what if rather than spending time thinking about the ways you wanted to shift things in your life, or all the things you were doing wrong, you set out to create a life that by its very structure would move you in the direction you desire.

this is an idea i've been pondering lately - life as a catalyst for change. i think the key difference in taking this approach is that rather than being reactive, we are proactive. and rather than focusing on what's wrong we build what's right.

so for example, if one of your difficulties is that you find yourself spending too much time in front of the tv munching on fritos, rather than take the approach that you need to "correct" this behavior you change the set-up all together. you find some activity that is so fun & engaging that you will be readily lured from the tv: a dance class, a volleyball team, a book group, a political party.

if you struggle with feeling isolated you set your life up so that you have almost no time alone. perhaps you can't figure out how to relax so you build in activities which force you to slow down, like walking to the corner store when you need groceries.

we have a great many choices to make in our lives, some of which we forget are choices. sometimes i find that choosing a theme that will move your life forward can be a helpful guide to making those choices, themes like: closeness & connection, silliness & fun, adventure & reflection, relaxation & mindfulness. then you get busy setting up your life to be all about that theme.

my recent decision has been to build my life around the theme of 'creating space'. just choosing this theme has led to different decisions being made about how i spend my time and what activities i prioritize. it's meant more reading, napping and hanging out with friends and it's having the impact i'd hoped it would: i'm enjoying the spaciousness and when i am working i'm enjoying that more too.

what would it look like for you to set your life up as a catalyst for change?

what would be the first steps in building that life?

as always, i'd love to hear your thoughts!

dream big,
-kirsten

growing old or growing up?

2006-05-10T06:11:00.000-07:00

my mom recently wrote a poem that reflects many of my dearest held beliefs about what it means to become an "adult" and how big we can decide to make our lives no matter what age we are.

check it out, and if you like the poem check out the link to my mom's blog below:

Growing Old or Growing Up?

It’s a strange thing, growing older.
I hear the concern in my children’s voices,
we want you to take care of yourself,
you shouldn’t do this or that, at your age.

They are unaware of how this sounds,
the impact of their words.
Keep in mind that you are growing older resonates.
They have no idea; I’m still busy growing up.

The young have no understanding of growing older,
perhaps, neither do the old.
Do we cross some mystical age barrier,
and are unwillingly escorted to the realm of old?

The voice I speak to myself with
is still a young girl, a young woman,
and at certain moments she remains a child
with a child’s delight or unbidden fears.

I am still learning to communicate with men,
themselves, young boys yet in many ways.
Hoping like some teenage girl
that I will someday meet the man of my dreams.

Dreams, and I have so many of them,
are yet to be fulfilled and eagerly sought after.
I continue to gain knowledge and wear fresh wisdom
hoping to someday know what I will be when I grow up.

So you may say I am growing old if you like,
but each new discovery that sprouts in my life
fills me with wonder and I dance with joy, knowing
I am not growing old, I am simply growing up!

Conni Struss Johnson

this poem so aptly states what i have found to be true - that as we grow older our impressions of adulthood shift. the assumptions we made as children are revealed to be just that: assumptions.

what if age were irrelevant...how would your perception of yourself change?

do your definitions of adulthood need revision?

as always i'd love to hear your thoughts, feel free to post them here!

dream big,
-kirsten

my letter to corporate america

2006-05-04T19:51:00.000-07:00

check out my article recently published in worthwhile magazine...and if you like it get yourself a subscription to this great mag.

this article was a blast to write, and so far i've gotten great feedback on it. hope you enjoy it as well. as always feel free to post your comments here.

dream big,
-kirsten

approach is everything

2006-04-16T09:22:00.000-07:00

i recently came across a quote from pat riley, an nba basketball coach, that says this:

"great effort springs naturally from great attitude"

a well stated truth in my experience. it made me think about how i have been approaching some of the goals in my life. what is my attitude about this endeavor or that project?

it's not something we are necessarily accustomed to paying attention to. we plan and strategize, we consult with others about the best methods or the right tools to go after what we want, but we don't always remember to choose the proper attitude.

and even when we do think ahead and choose an attitude that is likely to inspire us and move us forward, it often fades away as we delve deeper into our project and encounter road blocks or u-turns.

if you find yourself dreading working on that project you wanted to add joy and excitement to your life, something might need adjusting. or if the goal you set for yourself last month which seemed like a great challenge now inspires boredom, perhaps your approach is not as effective as it might be.

what attitude are you taking to the current projects in your life?

where could your approach use adjusting?

as always i'd love to hear your thoughts, feel free to post 'em here!

dream big,
-kirsten

planting seeds

2006-04-13T15:35:00.000-07:00

it's spring here in minnesota, and i've already got gardening on the brain. i love planting and watching things grow, it's such a rewarding endeavor. and as i think about the literal planting i'll soon be doing, it also brings to mind the other kind of seeds we plant in our lives.

networking is such a buzz word these days. but to me it seems more accurate to refer the activity of making connections and exchanging information as planting seeds.

it can be amazing to watch these seeds take root and grow. connections we made weeks, months or even years ago can surface in the present blossoming into amazing next steps along our path.

when you notice that this is true, it can change your perspective about meeting new people, about striking up conversations or handing someone your business card. we are so pushed in this culture of convenience to look for instant results that we can find ourselves dissapointed when an introduction doesn't yield immediate results. but if we view these encounters as planting seeds we can approach them in a whole new way.

when we remember that plants don't immediately spring forth in a garden, we can also notice that this is true in life. the efforts, endeavors and undertakings of today may not show their full impact until far into the future.

what seeds are you planting in your life?

what new developments have recently blossomed from the seeds you planted in the past?

where do you want to focus your cultivation for the future?

as always share your thoughts!

dream big & happy spring,
-kirsten

keeping conscious

2006-04-04T05:56:00.000-07:00

my best friend sent this article along to me today. it's part of the daily om article series, which i often enjoy.

the article points out smartly and succinctly what we so often need to be reminded of - that life can get the better of us unless we actively choose to slow down and stay present.

enjoy...

Keeping Conscious: Staying Grounded In A Busy World

1. Live simply and live deliberately. By choosing not to get caught up in the details of this fast-paced world, you will discover that you have more time to enjoy being alive.

2. Stay in touch with yourself. Soul searching, meditation, and journaling are just a few of the many activities you can take part in to stay aware and learn as much as you can about your emotions, reactions, likes, dislikes, dreams, and fears. Having a solid sense of self gives you a firm foundation for living in this world.

3. Support or teach others as often as you can. This can help you form connections with people while also giving you an opportunity to make the world a better place.

4. Consciously choose what you will allow into your being. The media bombards us with visions of hate, war, and pain. Be judicious about what you read, watch, and listen to.

5. Acknowledge the beauty that resides around you. Whether you live in a sprawling metropolis or a stereotypical suburb, there are natural and man-made wonders just waiting to be discovered by you.

6. Nurture your ties to your tribe. If you don't have one, create a community that you can belong to. Modern life can be isolating. When you have a tribe, you have a circle that you are a part of. Its members - loved ones, friends, or neighbors - can be a source of support, caring, guidance, and companionship.

7. See the larger picture. Remember that the way that you choose to live is not the only way to live. Widen your perspective by exploring other modes of being through research, travel, and discussion.

8. Embrace the challenges that life presents to you, and challenge yourself often. After a time, even the most exciting jobs or lifestyles can seem routine. Never stop assimilating new knowledge about whatever you are doing, and your life will never seem dull.

9. Move your body. In this busy world, it can be easy to live a sedentary life. Movement reacquaints us with our bodies and connects us to the earth in a visceral way. It also restores our vitality.

10. Make time for stillness, silence, and solitude. The world can be noisy, and we are subject to all kinds of noises nearly every waking hour. We are also often "on the go" and unable to relax. Being alone in a peaceful place and making time for quiet can help you stay in touch with yourself.

dream big,
-kirsten

taking charge vs. taking over

2006-04-01T06:34:00.000-08:00

growing up the oldest child of three and the only girl, i learned early on how to be bossy. i spent uncounted hours herding my little brothers around barking commands and assigning them roles in the play that was my childhood. they resented the hell out of me for it. and although being bossy gave me a certain power, ultimately i knew it was a trap.

nobody likes being bossed around, and bossy people don't (at least from my experience) feel good about being the boss either. being bossy, or as we more often call it, 'controlling' is usually counterproductive. we do it in an attempt to be powerful, to make something happen, and instead it often leads to revolt and disappointment.

i didn't learn to be bossy in a vacuum. i was trained. (as i'm sure were many of you.) it was extremely convenient for my parents to have me be bossy - it helped keep my brothers in line. and i watched adults around me use the technique constantly. they bossed me around and clearly they were the people in control, so being bossy looked like the route to autonomy.

having reached adulthood myself, however, i am becoming more and more clear that being bossy is not all it's cracked up to be. my penchant for controlling situations does not lead to the results i'm after. so lately, i've been doing my best to let go of control, stop bossing people around and switch to taking charge.

on the face of things taking charge may seem a lot like being bossy. but here's the difference - taking charge does not mean that you are in charge. in fact, the smartest way to take charge of a situation is often to enlist others who know more than you do. or to bring a group together to fashion a plan drawn from all of your thoughts combined.

taking charge may not result in us getting our way. we might decide that someone else getting their way makes more sense this time around, or that the solution that works best for the whole group instead of the one best suited to our individual needs is the right choice.

taking charge means looking at a situation and seeing how you can best help it move forward in a positive direction. all of us should act powerfully in the world, it's what we were designed to do. but acting powerfully can mean a wide variety of things in the wide variety of situations we encounter on a daily basis.

a mentor of mine recently suggested that i needed to expand my leadership repertoire. "you can lead by inviting, by engaging, by needing, by asking" she said - "leading by bossing people around is good for certain situations, but it has it's limits."

whether or not you have a habit of being bossy to overcome, what would it mean for you to take charge of the situations in your life?

what situations do you want to make go well by acting powerfully?

as always i'd love to hear your thoughts, post 'em here!

dream big,
-kirsten

attention 20-something women...

2006-03-27T15:50:00.000-08:00

michelle goodman, another great pal i've made through my adventures in the blogosphere is writing a book about women seeking alternatives to the 9-5 job.

she is looking for 20-something women who have alternative careers, as she defines below, to answer the questions she's listed...answer them yourself and feel free to pass them along to your girlfriends who might also be interested.

Author ISO 20-something women to share their alt career tales

Hi all,

My name is Michelle Goodman and I’ve written about alternative career paths for women in publications like Bust, Bitch, and the Seattle Times. I’m completing work this spring on The Anti 9-to-5 Guide: A Handbook for Recovering Wage Slaves, a book that Seal Press will publish early in 2007. To round out my book, I’d love to hear from some more women in their 20s and early 30s who are either living, dreaming about, or transitioning to a non-9-to-5 work situation.

Maybe you’ve successfully transitioned from a soulless job or field to one you like more, or maybe you’re just getting started down that road. Maybe you’re a satisfied freelancer, moonlighter, side gigger, contractor, temp, permatemp, part-timer, job sharer, telecommuter, swing-shift worker, business owner, mompreneur, or non-profit founder. Maybe you’re an international worker (e.g. ESL teacher), adventure worker (e.g., rafting or climbing guide), or you only work half the year (but work 15-hour days when you do work—perhaps in the film industry or on a commercial fishing boat). Maybe you work in a male-dominated field (truck driving, firefighting, etc.) or in the trades (plumbing, construction, etc.). Or maybe you live in the country, off the grid, in a communal housing situation, or incredibly frugally, which means you get away with working for the man far less than most of us, if at all.

If any of this sounds like you, I’d love to hear about it. Write me at freelancepants@gmail.com and tell me about yourself, your job, and how you live. Specifically, please tell me:

- Your full name (and if I can use it and all the following info in my book)

- Your age

- Where you live

- If you have dependents, a dual-income household, or are someone else’s dependent

- What your job is now—title, industry, how long you’ve done it, whether you work in an office or at home, for a company or yourself, what you did for work before, if you like your job now, and why you enjoy it

- How you got into the work you do now—did you have to convince your company to let you work from home, did you have to save up money for three years to open your own business, did you work a day gig while starting your freelance business on the side, and so on

- The pros of doing the work you do, and the cons

- If applicable: The obstacles you had to overcome to get into this job—be it starting at the bottom in a new industry at age 28, overcoming great financial hurdles such as incurring grad school or other debt to get where you are, working two jobs (and consequently 80 hours a week) till your side gig started paying for itself, overcoming sexism (or other prejudice) or lack of social support as you made your way into your new field, or any other challenges you met

- Your advice to women in their 20s and early 30s who want to get into the work you do

Your answers don’t have to be long. (A paragraph or less will suffice for each question, though I won’t hold it against you for being verbose!) Please also let me know where I can email or call you to confirm any additional details at a later date. I’d love to hear from people by May 15 if possible. The sooner, the better, of course. ;)

Thank you so much, and if you have any questions, feel free to email me at freelancepants@gmail.com. Please know that it may take a little while for me to respond.

Thanks again,
Michelle

just say no to pretense

2006-03-25T15:31:00.000-08:00

time after time recently i have noticed the devastating impact of pretense. the way it separates us from each other, maintains a level of superficiality in our relationships and in some instances even disconnects us from ourselves.

webster's lists the following definitions of pretense:
1 : a claim made or implied; especially : one not supported by fact
2 a : mere ostentation : PRETENTIOUSNESS b : a pretentious act or assertion
3 : an inadequate or insincere attempt to attain a certain condition or quality
4 : professed rather than real intention or purpose : PRETEXT
5 : MAKE-BELIEVE, FICTION
6 : false show : SIMULATION

what it all boils down to in my mind is pretending things really are not as they are.

we invite friends over and when they comment on how great our place looks we shrug it off as though it's nothing - when in reality we spent the last six hours frantically cleaning things to make them just spic and span enough for company.

or a friend asks us how our relationship with our partner is and we tell them that's it's going well, things are good, ignoring the screaming match we had on our way out the door about who forgot to buy toilet paper.

you get my drift, maybe for you it's the pretense about all the perks at your great job, which you never mention your boss treats you like absolute crap at. or it's pretense about things you enjoy, you'd never tell your friends for instance that you bought the entire golden girls series on dvd.

'don't air your dirty laundry,' isn't that how the old saying goes? but my question is: if we've all got it then why not air it?

isn't the purpose of relationships to support each other through all that life brings? when we only share the made for tv version of our life with those around us how can this really happen?

what i've found recently is that when we can drop the pretense and be real with each other there is a great freedom and satisfaction that results from knowing our struggles and experiences are not ours alone.

you are not the only one who frantically cleans your place every time you invite friends over, you are not alone in having screaming matches with your partner, and we've all had at least one evil boss.

the world is a tricky place and we are all doing our best to make something of ourselves in it. why not unabashedly share our trials and tribulations along with our successes and celebrations?

what would it mean for you to chuck being 'too cool' and opt for 'too real'?

where does pretense hold you back from showing yourself completely?

i'd love to hear about your adventures in all out embarrassing honesty, post 'em here!

dream big,
-kirsten

re-envisioning the familiar

2006-03-17T08:15:00.000-08:00

this past week i started to feel the itch of spring fever, the desire for something different, something new...pretty soon i had developed a serious case of the travel bug. get me out of here i kept thinking, i want to be somewhere foreign, somewhere interesting, somewhere else.

the next morning, i awoke to 9 inches of fresh snow. spring time in minnesota is a lot like yo-yo. it's 55 degrees and sunny one day and the next there's a blizzard. as i got dressed to walk my dog, putting on layer upon layer of snow gear to prepare myself for the wintery mix i remembered a post i wrote last summer.

it was about keeping our "vacation perspective" even at home. about remembering that it's not the places we go on vacation that make it a vacation, it's the perspective we bring to the experience. when we are on vacation, we allow ourselves to slow down, we look around us, taking it all in and experiencing the awe of seeing new things.

as i stepped out my front door i realized i had gotten my wish. i was someplace new, someplace foreign. my whole world had been transformed overnight by this beautiful spring time blizzard. and while i wasn't seeing new things, i was certainly seeing them anew.

what would it mean for you to adopt the same relaxed, inspired and fun-filled vacation perspective in your day to day life?

what helps you re-envision the familiar in your world?

thought you might enjoy a snapshot from my vacation down the block, here's a photo i took while walking my dog.

dream big,
-kirsten

a special link

2006-03-12T14:22:00.000-08:00

as bloggers we speak fluently the language of the link. i link to your post, you link to mine. an intricate web of connections growing with time and building not just the content of these online expressions of ourselves but the community that exists between those that write them.

today i have the pleasure of passing along a special link. a link to my mom's new blog.

my mom is a brilliant writer and i owe much of my love for the craft of putting words together to form ideas and create meaning to her. ever since i started blogging i've been encouraging my mom to set up a blog of her own. this past week i finally prevailed and sat with her while she set up an account and wrote her first post!

she has decided to call it writer's tree. of course, as with all of life it's a work in progress so i won't give you any summary of what i think it's about or what it will become. i'll just say that if you like my blog and the ideas i put out to the world, then in part you already like my mom because i am who i am largely because of her being who she is. so, i hope you'll join me in saying...

welcome to the blogosphere mom!

dream big,
-kirsten

international women's day

2006-03-08T05:32:00.000-08:00

today is international women's day. a day to notice the accomplishments of women in all facets of life. and therefore, if you are female, a day to notice your accomplishments. (and if you are not, a great occasion to notice the accomplishments of the women in your life.)

international women's day has been celebrated for nearly 100 years now, and has a long history of empowering women to take action on their own behalf and on the behalf of causes and ideas that are important to them.

as a feminist, and a degree holding student of women's studies, i have long been committed to women specifically and more broadly to people. to our full liberation from any oppression, stereotype or cultural construct that would keep us from being our brilliant and amazing selves. and thereby creating the brilliant and amazing world we all so desire.

this commitment has been expressed through a variety of activities throughout the years. this year, i am most proud of partnering with a friend to bring women together to talk. that simple. we got a group of women together to see the movie north country and then talk afterwards about sexual harassment and the overall mistreatment of women. it was amazing. turns out we don't often sit down and chat about our thoughts on these subjects, and thus creating a space to do this was immensely powerful.

what action, big or small, did you take this year to try and make the world what you want it to be?

what accomplishments do you want to recognize yourself, or the women in your life, for?

it's important to remember that celebrations like international women's day are not just for "those other women" who you see as being more powerful or influential than yourself. the day is what the name says it is, a day for women internationally to celebrate together who they are, what they have done and what they plan to do next!

dream big,
-kirsten

your best thinking

2006-03-06T19:04:00.000-08:00

yesterday, i came across a quote by harvey jackins, the founder of the peer counseling organization i am a part of, that i found quite challenging and inspiring. it says this:

if you even borrow, as a formula for now, what you did yourself last week, you've quit thinking.

quite a concept. to really think that actively in each moment about what the absolute best response is to the present situation - never substituting thoughts or conclusions made in the past for your up the minute best thinking. imagine how different life might be!

moreover, while the quote points out that we are often pulled to substitute past thinking for present thinking it doesn't even touch on the fact that we often substitute our thinking with the thinking of others, or of what's "normal".

and the plain fact is, we are the people best equipped to think about and live our lives. no one else's thinking is as specifically tailored to our life as our own, and no past thought includes as much valuable data as our most recent thoughts do.

imagine if each time someone asked you your opinion on something, you stopped, thought about it and then answered with your most up to date perspective on that particular subject?

challenging ourselves to really think in this way, to engage our brains and not go on auto pilot is a not just an interesting concept. it's a means to shaping our lives into what we truly want them to be. because so long as we hold back our current thinking, rough draft quality as it might be, we cheat ourselves of creating the biggest life we can presently imagine.

so what is your best thinking, right now at this exact moment?

and now?

as always, i'd love to hear your thoughts on thinking freshly in each new situation...post 'em here!

dream big,
-kirsten

you get to have people

2006-02-27T18:18:00.000-08:00

earlier this month, my uncle passed away. it was unexpected and heartbreaking. one of those moments where like it or not, comfortable or not you realize how acutely you need other people.

oftentimes we feel we can only rely on people and truly ask for help when we are in a time of crisis. it's unfortunate that this is true, but it is. for many of us asking for help is a struggle. we would never consider telling our friends not to ask us for help, on the contrary we encourage them to ask if ever they are in need. but asking on our own behalf can range from feeling uncomfortable to downright excruciating.

this nearly universal struggle is so unfortunate because helping others is such an integral part of being human. when you think about the moments of your life that are the most meaningful, the moments when you were clear about your purpose and your connection to people what were you doing? likely you were sharing those moments with people you love, sharing life with them - both the responsibilities and the benefits.

in this recent period, i've found that asking for help can open our relationships up and bring them to a whole different level. when we ask for help, we are vulnerable and we are real. and maybe most importantly, we are not alone. by inviting others in we invite not only help but new perspectives and new ideas. two brains thinking together about one person's life can move things forward at a whole different pace.

what gets in the way of you asking for help?

what help do you want to ask for?

what agreements could you make with the people you love to make asking for help easier?

as always, i'm on this journey with you and would love to hear your thoughts and experiences so post them here!

dream big,
-kirsten

taking breaks

2006-02-24T19:36:00.000-08:00

i haven't posted in some time. life has been more than a little tumultuous and simply necessitated taking a break.

at first i felt pulled to be hard on myself, every time my mind would clear enough to think of my blog i'd feel this tug of guilt "i should be writing." but the reality was that i really needed a break.

and in the end i was very glad i actually took it. letting myself focus on what i really needed to meant that i got to experience it more fully, that i got to learn the lessons that were presenting themselves to me, and that i came out of the experience more ready to move on to what life has in store next.

so often i think we are trying to second guess life. we want to decide for ourselves what should or shouldn't be happening to us at this point in the process. and it's not that we don't get to be intentional and set our lives up to lead to our greatest fulfillment, but life is a journey and the twists and turns are not under our control. after all, if they were we would rarely learn much of anything.

following life's lead and letting yourself go with the flow is often the most rewarding decision, even if at the time it feels unproductive or out of sync with your plans.

what interesting twists or turns has life offered you recently? have you allowed yourself to follow them, without guilt or too much frustration with the change in plans? most importantly, what have you learned from the journey?

as always i'd love to hear your thoughts, feel free to post 'em here!

dream big,
-kirsten

vision monthly

2006-02-05T06:40:00.000-08:00

i am extremely pleased to be a part of the launch of a new e-zine called vision monthly.

the magazine is the brain child of ethan johnson. check out the full issue at vision monthly. and look for my article: what makes you come alive?

dream big,
-kirsten

my blog's birthday

2006-01-28T05:06:00.000-08:00

i wasn't sure if i wanted to write a post about the fact that my blog is now one year old...perhaps in part because it seems to be standard protocol in the blogosphere to note these kinds of milestones and i didn't want to do it just because it's the thing to do. but when i came across this quote today i realized what it was that i wanted to say on this my first annivesary as a blogger.

the quote is from isaac asimov:

The true delight is in the finding out rather than in the knowing.

i love it. it resonates completely with my life experience, and in particular with the experience of writing this blog.

when i set out to start a blog my purpose was solely to promote my coaching practice. i figured i'd enjoy the writing, but mostly i wanted to get my ideas out into the world in the hopes of connecting with people who would be interested in using my coaching services to help them find and follow their dreams.

as it turned out i've fallen (back) in love with writing. i've started to call myself a writer for the first time and i'm finding that there are far more ways to offer coaching to the world than in a one on one session. it's been a tremendous experience of unfolding and the delight truly has come from the finding out.

this blog has given me a space both to coach and to be coached. following my own advice and the advice of my brilliant blogging pals has moved my life forward on many fronts.

building community in the blogosphere has allowed me to come in contact with so many amazing, interesting and generous people. finding out about them has also been a true delight.

i am looking forward to another year of becoming, of unfolding of finding out and taking delight!

thank you to all of you who read my blog, who comment, and to all of my fellow bloggers...here's to another great year!

dream big,
-kirsten

deciding not to feel bad

2006-01-23T07:25:00.000-08:00

deciding not to feel bad about ourselves is something i've written about before. i keep coming back to it in my own life and thus keep coming back to it here. i think it's a pretty powerful decision to make.

so much in our culture is sold to us based on making us feel as though we are "lacking" - the right clothes, the cute haircut, the high paying job, etc. and it's not as though advertisers are the only people thinking within this paradigm.

life is challenging, always has been, and humans have long wanted to do better than they have been able to figure out and thus have felt bad. that feeling bad gets passed on from one generation to the next and well you can see how we become so saturated with it that soon we aren't really even aware of when we are feeling bad about ourselves (which if the chatterbox in my brain is any guide is a lot of the time).

so what to do about it? how to turn a generations old pattern of approaching life on its head? what i'm discovering is that its about deciding and then setting up a plan to act on that decision.

for instance, one of the places that i find i am often feeling bad about myself is in my relationship with my partner. we get in a fight say he says something cruel - i feel bad. we get in a fight i say something cruel - i feel bad. i plan to spend an evening with him, something comes up and i can't, i feel i've disappointed him - i feel bad. you get the picture.

so, my current goal is to decide not to feel bad and then to act on that decision in my relationship. because the real deal is that while i might sometimes owe my partner an apology or he might owe me one - beating up on myself for what a jerk i am, doesn't really help the situation. in fact it often leads to a nasty spiral of more fighting and more feeling bad.

so when it comes up, i do my best to notice the feelings..."oh i'm feeling bad again" and then decide to ignore them. "right, now is the time to put my attention on handling the situation rather than beating myself up for it." i've also made a plan to call a friend or write in my journal when these feelings come up - to get the feelings out of my system rather than pretending they aren't there.

what parts of your life do you find you are always feeling bad about?

how could you set things up to decide not to feel bad and then act on that decision?

as always i'd love to hear your thoughts and what you are figuring out!

dream big,
-kirsten

being our best selves

2006-01-14T19:34:00.000-08:00

i've been thinking a lot this past year about the drive i seem to have to "do big things." as long as i can remember i've had it in my head that ultimately i need to find success, and not just some humble, average amount of success - we are talking bigger than life, known and loved by many, on oprah kind of success.

of course in our celebrity culture, many of us feel this way. as though we have to achieve a serious amount of greatness and cultural recognition to feel we've found success.

the problem with approaching life from this perspective is really not about the desire to be wildly successful - it's about the feelings of insignificance that can plague you until you get there. reaching great heights of success and having a big impact is not a bad thing, but beating up on ourselves every step of the way is.

in the past six months, i've started to step away from this expectation of grand success. started to let myself off the hook and just live. being pleased with the impact i have now rather than always looking to the future, hoping for more. it's yielded good things, i like my life more, i feel like i'm living in the present more and enjoying it.

thus i liked the perspective i found on being our best selves and having a big impact in danusha veronica goska's article political paralysis in paul rogat loeb's book the impossible will take a little while: a citizen's guide to hope in a time of fear.

Sometimes we convince ourselves that the "unnoticed" gestures of "insignificant" people mean nothing. It's not enough to be our best selves; we have to be Ghandi. And yet when we study the biographies of our heroes, we learn that they spent years in preparation doing tiny, decent things before one historical moment propelled them to center stage. Moments, as if animate, use the prepared to tilt empires.

her perspective that everything we are doing in our lives today is significant and is preparation for the potential of bigger things is powerful. it allows us to go about our daily lives pleased and proud of our ability to touch others, to make our individual difference, and be our best selves while also knowing that these acts prepare us for a possibility of something larger.

do you recognize yourself for the impact you have in your world?

does your definition of success allow you to see the significance of your life today?

as always i'd love to hear your thoughts, post 'em here!

-kirsten

wandering aimfully

2006-01-10T05:30:00.000-08:00

"not all who wander are lost."

i just found out recently that this is a j.r.r. tolkien quote - i'm not surprised and it adds a new layer of fantastic possibility to it for me.

my partner is a big fan of the quote and thus it always make me think of him. in particular it makes me think of his approach to life, which is so very different from my own. unlike me, people would not be likely to call him driven, he's not a type a personality, and he doesn't spend a lot of time constructing his plans for the future. in spite of this he has a great life. and over the five years i've known him he has moved slowly but surely towards his goals and dreams.

the quote has always resonated for him. but it wasn't until recently that it began to resonate for me.

a couple of weeks ago i was interviewed for a book, in the email exchange i had with the author in preparation she asked me to sum up what i do. zoinks i thought. i hate that question and i have no idea how to answer it. so i listed out in my head the three or four main things i dedicate my time and energy to...and suddenly it occurred to me, these things which i had continually thought of as some disconnected jumble, the random interests of a wandering woman, had become a recognizable whole.

what i do is coach, mentor, support and advocate for people in their teens and twenties to live big lives, follow their dreams and realize how capable and amazing they are. yup, all of my life does that - from my role as president of the alumni board of a student activist organization to my day job at an organization that does street outreach to homeless youth.

wow. apparently my wandering has not meant that i was lost.

it's been a very interesting and eye-opening discovery that this last couple years of trying things out, opening doors, meeting new people, and aiming to live the questions has in fact led me somewhere.

what's your take on the "not all who wander are lost" concept?

do you consider yourself a wanderer? do you feel lost? have you done any checking in lately to see if those assumptions are correct? or if they mean what you thought they did?

i'm not saying that all wandering is meaningful, as the quote says "not all who wander are lost."
but i think we tend to be harder on ourselves than we are on other people. my wandering partner has always seemed smart and capable to me, whereas i've felt like an uncertain fool. turns out i too was wandering in the right direction and have ended up no where near lost.

what might happen if you saw wandering as something to be proud of? as a sign that you are letting life unfold and following your heart?

as always i'd love to hear your thoughts...post 'em here!

dream big,
-kirsten

i heart my job

2006-01-06T20:48:00.000-08:00

i love when people make their goofy, fun, world changing ideas reality...and so i was thrilled to find out about scott ginsberg. scott's newest endeavor is making and distributing 'i love my job' pins.

as he states in his post about how to order the pins, he loves his job and loves the idea of people wearing these pins and sparking interesting and meaningful conversations. i'm planning to order a pin and see how the experiment unfolds...if you love your job you might also consider doing the same. scott is asking folks who order a pin to write to him with stories of what happens when people notice the pin and get to talking.

scott's post also made me think of what i'd put on a pin to start conversation? 'got dreams?' was the first one that popped into my mind.

what might you put on a pin? what are the questions and conversations that you want to spark?

as always post your thoughts here. and thanks to curt rosengren for the link to scott's site.

dream big,
-kirsten

gifts for the new year

2006-01-01T20:21:00.000-08:00

as promised, i wanted to dedicate a post to new year's resolutions. as i mentioned in my post about celebrating 2005, resolutions can become a way to beat up on ourselves and feel inadequate for what we haven't yet figured out, but that doesn't mean we need to abandon them all together. resolutions can also be a powerful tool of decision and goal setting.

deciding to do something, just simply deciding, is a powerful act. i have a list of goals hanging on my wall in my bedroom which has been there now for over two years. when i wrote that list around this time of year a couple years back the things on it seemed like distant dreams. now, two years later, each and every one of them is taking shape in my life. and almost all of them in ways i never could have imagined or planned as i wrote that list.

this year, as i began thinking about new year's resolutions the thought occured to me that i could think of my resolutions as the gifts i want to give myself in the new year. after all, that is what they should be right?

what would it mean for you to adopt this perspective as you set your resolutions? the first thing that i decided after adopting this perspective was that this meant realistic resolutions were the only ones making the list. setting unattainable goals for myself would be less about gift giving and more about energy draining.

secondly, i noticed that when considering my list of resolutions through this lens, saying yes to things would also be accompanied by saying no. creating a list of things i wanted to do would mean i would need a list of things i would be saying no to - because saying yes to everything is a recipe for overwhelm and frustration.

allowing the perspective of giving myself gifts in the new year inform my resolutions led to a short, sweet, simple list this year. one that feels like a guide towards greater joy more than a list of things to do. i'm excited to get started on making these resolutions real.

what gifts do you want to give yourself in the new year?

what do you want to say yes to? what do you want to say no to?

as always, i'd love to hear your thoughts feel free to post 'em here!

dream big,
-kirsten

winter yin

2005-12-31T12:24:00.000-08:00

my former yoga instructor who is also a good friend of mine recently sent an interesting article along with her monthly class schedule. it was about the natural cycle of the seasons and how the "holiday season" can often be very out of sync with the yin nature of winter.

the author of the article, which originally appeared in yoga journal, laurel kallenbach explains that:

Winter, the yin season, is a time for storing and conserving energy in the way a bear retains fat by hibernating, or a farmer stores food for the cold months ahead.
In agrarian cultures, people spend the shortest, darkest days indoors by the fire, eating warm, slow-cooked, nourishing food and sharing stories with their families.

unfortunately for those of us who celebrate holidays during the winter months, staying in touch with this yin mode of being can be difficult to do. and yet, as kallenbach goes on to say:

If you find quiet, more modest ways to celebrate the holidays, you'll stay in tune with the season and feel less need to release tension by overeating or rampant spending. You'll also have more time and energy to connect with close friends and family.

for most of us connecting with friends and family is ultimately what we hope to spend our holidays doing. deciding to be in a yin state during the winter months not only has the potential to make this happen, it also provides an opportunity for slowing down and recharging our batteries as we head into the new year.

what would it mean for you to bring more yin into your life?

i'd love to hear your thoughts about winter yin, feel free to post them here!

dream big,
-kirsten

celebrations before resolutions

2005-12-29T19:59:00.000-08:00

i've written before about the topic of taking time to note our successes, to review what we have done well and celebrate ourselves, but it seems particularly poignant to mention it as we approach the season of new year's resolutions.

now don't get me wrong, new year's resolutions are not all bad. in fact, i'm planning to dedicate a post to that topic as well. but often times resolutions can begin to take on a tone of "if i weren't such a loser i would already...be my ideal weight, have the job of my dreams, speak spanish fluently". you get the picture, resolutions become an excuse to beat up on ourselves for all the ways we still don't "have it all together."

what we miss when we approach our lives from this perspective is all that we have accomplished, all the ways we do have it together and all the things we should be glowingly pleased with ourselves for.

in some ways a year is a long time, and in other ways as our busy lives move forward a year can seem like it has flown by in a matter moments. the fact is january was a ways back, and a lot has happened since then. the beginning of the new year provides a great opportunity to review.

what major events occurred in your life this year?

what five successes, big or small, did you achieve this past year?

what have you learned in the last year? how have you grown?

what are you most proud of from the past year?

before you start thinking about all the things you want to accomplish, tackle or figure out in the year to come, take stock of all you did in 2005 and take some time to celebrate!

i'd love to hear some of what's on your list of highlights from 2005, feel free to post them here!

dream big,
-kirsten

what came first the value or the goal?

2005-12-18T18:00:00.000-08:00

for many of us setting goals is great way to motivate ourselves to get things done, to achieve big things and go after what we really want. but what happens if in the midst of your determined pursuit of a goal you find yourself questioning whether you are ending up where you really wanted to be?

sometimes the answer is that our commitment to our goal led us to leave our values in the dust. jeremy's recent post over at lifestylism is a great reminder of the importance of making sure our values our driving our goals and not the other way around. he links to a post from superordinate which states:

We need to understand who we are and what we're about, and realize that values come first. If our goals are revealed to be out of sync with those values--or our understanding of those values changes so they are--we change the goal. Putting the goal down and committing to it makes it more likely to be achieved; however, we must understand we are committing to what the goal represents to us. The goal is a means to realize our potential and productively apply our values; it is not an end in itself.

one of the dangers of letting our goals supersede our values is feeling like we have failed at achieving a goal, when in reality we've simply outgrown that goal and continuing to live our values means moving in new directions.

thinking of our values as the foundation upon which are goals are built can help us to remember that our goals will only truly bring us success if they are in line with our values.

are your goals in line with your values?

what values do you want to make sure are informing your goals?

as always, share your thoughts...what helps you keep your goals on track and heading you towards living your values and finding success?

dream big,
-kirsten

best blog awards

2005-12-14T08:24:00.000-08:00

i recently found out that my blog has been nominated for the recruiting.com 2005 best blog awards. if you are a regular reader and enjoy my blog, i'd love for you to head to the link below and vote for me. i'm listed as - let's dream big - in the best recruiting advice blog section.

Recruiting.com 2005 Best Blog Awards

i love knowing that my writing is having an impact and thank all of you for reading and spreading the word!

dream big,
-kirsten

p.s. curt rosengren, is also nominated for his fabulous blog the occupational adventure - he's in the best job seeker blog section. if you don't read curt's blog, you should definitely check it out. and if you do, you should vote for him!

inspiration in unlikely places

2005-12-12T05:16:00.000-08:00

i recently picked up a copy of esquire magazine - a highly unusual purchase for me...i was lured in by the interview with bill clinton.

i'd read half of the article thanksgiving morning standing in the aisle of walgreens when i realized i needed to get to my mom's. so i checked out the cover of the magazine to see if there might be anything else interesting in it that would make it worth buying...well as it turned out it was their "genius" issue and was full of stories of people doing innovative and groundbreaking work. it seemed worth the risk so i bought it.

while the magazine is clearly aimed at men, and seems to make no outward claim of being a progressive men's magazine (i was dismayed when i flipped to the letters to the editor section and saw a picture of their cover from last month: kiera knightly half naked...ahh the objectification of women alive and well) many of the stories in this genius issue were interesting and inspiring.

one that i thought was worth highlighting here is about road trip nation. the basic premise is this: three college buddies all with 9-5 corporate careers essentially lined up for them to step right into following graduation decide to chuck it all and hit the road. they buy a huge RV, paint it bright green and start traveling the country interviewing folks about what they did in their twenties and where it landed them later in life.

as they say they on their website they wanted to "find their own road in life" and find people who had done the same. they have indeed done this, with road trip nation becoming a movement on college campuses across the US, a show on public television, and a book finding the open road - these guys have successfully begun carving their own path.

the part i find most inspiring in their project is that they have made it bigger than themselves. they've published scores of the interviews they've done on their website - all of which are interesting and informative, they have a grant program to help college students and recent college grads take trips of their own and they have created a space for people to share their roadtrip stories on the site. these guys are quite literally building a road trip community.

if you've ever wondered what path real people follow to get into a specific career field, i'd encourage you to check out the interview portion of their site. it's certainly not an exhaustive list, but they've got quite a few to peruse.

and as always, post your thoughts here. i'd especially love to hear about projects in the world that you find inspiring!

dream big,
-kirsten

spiritual practice

2005-12-08T05:22:00.000-08:00

i come from a very religious upbringing. my young life was deeply shaped by the religious community i was enmeshed in. since leaving this community at age 13, i have slowly been developing my own way of approaching spirituality.

recently, i've begun to learn more about the religion i was raised in, its historical underpinnings and the motivations it carried that i may not have fully grasped as a child. i've also set out to learn more about others who have shared my journey of being deeply involved in religion and then transitioning to a secular life.

i just finished listening to the audio version of a book called the spiral staircase by a woman named karen armstrong. armstrong was a catholic nun from the age of 17 to 24. the book is a story of the rebuilding of her life since leaving the convent.

one of the ideas in the book which has stuck with me is about the value of spiritual practice. armstrong describes spiritual practice as choosing to do things which further good in ourselves and others and remind us of the spiritual dimension of our lives. these things do not have to be what we might think of as "spiritual acts"...they might involve shoveling your neighbors sidewalk each time it snows, or calling your grandmother on the phone every sunday, or perhaps listening to music that you love every morning when you wake up.

as armstrong points out, in our modern world we often view religion and spirituality through the lens of reason and fact. we either want proof that something larger than our self exists or we see religion as requiring us to believe in this larger possibility on faith. for centuries however, spiritual practice has allowed people to connect with the divine in themselves and the universe - faith and reason aside.

these concepts simplify things for me in a way that i find tremendously helpful. demystifying spirituality and linking it to the regular practice of things i do, such as making a gratitude list each night before i go to bed, or doing yoga each morning before work helps me to feel like spirituality is accessible in a whole new way.

what role does spirituality play in your life?

what are your spiritual practices? what spiritual practices would you like to create?

as always, post your thoughts here.

dream big,
-kirsten

what do you do?

2005-12-01T09:37:00.000-08:00

it's a question that ranks at least in the top five of small talk questions. you meet someone, ask their name, maybe where they live, and then you ask "so, what do you do?" sometimes we are more direct and ask "what do you do for a living?" but often the shorthand will suffice, because we all know the expected answer to this question - the person is inquiring about your job, your livelihood, your means of making money.

now this is a great question for those of us who love our jobs, feel they are distinctly connected to our identity and truly enjoy talking about them. unfortunately, that doesn't cover a whole lot of us. and if you've had life experiences at all similar to my own you've had times in your life where answering this question can feel like a quiz you are sure to fail. what do i do? well let's see, i work part-time at a boring accounting job is that what your asking, or maybe you want to know about my blog and the book i'm hoping to write, or maybe your asking about the community building i do with people in their twenties...i do a lot and most of it doesn't make me any money nor can it be summed up into a simple job title.

answering this question often makes me feel like i should be more sure, more specific and more accomplished than i am. which quite frankly is ridiculous. the problem is not with me, it's with the question, or more accurately with the assumed answer. do you really want to know what my job is or do you want to know more about me?

oriah mountain dreamer's poem the invitation expounds brilliantly on this subject, i've written about the poem in previous posts. as the first lines state:

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

oriah's perspective is refreshing. and reminds me that i am not alone in my frustration with the "what do you do" question.

we clearly are in need of new questions, new ways of sharing the basics of who we are with others. i'm not saying that all of us would be comfortable telling a complete stranger what we ache for, (although some of us i'm sure would) but at least we could tell them something we love to do, or our favorite place in the world, or what kind of music inspires us. we could tell them about us.

i'd love to hear how you answer the "what do you do" question, or your proposal for new questions. post 'em here.

dream big,
-kirsten

idea exposure

2005-11-29T04:58:00.000-08:00

for those of us who are no longer enrolled in a formal educational program creating a life that allows us to be always learning can pose a greater level of challenge. it can become quite easy to only come in contact with thoughts, ideas and concepts that we are already familiar with or that resonate with our deeply held beliefs. we work in a field where we understand the key concepts of our trade and socialize with people who share many of our political and personal values. so where do the fresh new ways of looking at the world, the new opportunities to meet our human need for learning and discovery come from?

recently, i made a decision that i wanted to learn more about a variety of factors that have given shape to my life today. to read and learn about the history of my ancestors, to learn more about the development of the religion i was raised in and to further my understanding of the history of my country. setting out to do this has begun to reveal new ideas and concepts left and right.

some of the information i am encountering is not new, but looking at it from new perspectives is providing a whole new experience. and in other instances there is new information, bit and pieces that can be woven into what i already knew and create a much more clear and understandable picture of my world. "ah, so that's why my finnish grandmother always reacted so strongly when..."

this exposure to new ideas has just begun, and each time i come across a new concept it only increases my desire to learn more.

it's unfortunate but often true that formal education either doesn't allow us to learn what we would truly like to, or if we are lucky enough to be studying a topic we enjoy it doesn't allow us to learn at a reasonable enough pace to truly soak in all that we are reading and memorizing. deciding to learn what we want to in a way that will allow us to fully incorporate and understand the ideas presented can be incredibly empowering.

whether you learn by asking your grandparents to tell you stories, going to local film festivals or checking out books and magazines from your local library, setting out to find the information your brain is craving is an exciting adventure.

what would you like to learn?

how do you want to learn it?

what does it mean for you to be life long learner?

i'd love to hear your ideas or suggestions for finding new perspectives and learning new things...as always, post your thoughts here!

dream big,
-kirsten

certainty is overrated

2005-11-16T05:51:00.000-08:00

ah life as a twentysomething, it's filled with exploration, fun, adventure, and lots and lots of worry. what's next? what if i don't like this new job? how will i ever pay off all these student loans? wondering where you are headed in life, or if you are even headed anywhere at all, is a common worry among those of us in our twenties. having these worries might not be so troubling if the prevailing message from those a few years ahead of us is that they are quite certain where they are headed and we should be too.

the reality of course if you scratch a millimeter below the surface is that adults are often no more certain than people in their twenties about where they are headed or how they are going to get there. i've come to the conclusion that most people are in fact not all that certain, and yet there seems to be an almost compulsory expectation that we look certain and persuade others to see us as such.

i recently finished reading ranier maria rilke's letters to a young poet. it's an interesting book consisting of rilke's letters to an aspiring poet who attends the same school that rilke did in his youth. the book has woven through it the concepts of unfolding, of patience and of living life fully without certainty of what is to come.

i particularly liked this passage:

Always trust yourself and your own feeling...if it turns out that you are wrong, then the natural growth of your inner life will eventually guide you to other insights. Allow your judgments their own silent, undisturbed development, which, like all progress, must come from deep within and cannot be forced or hastened.

later in the book he goes on to say this:

You must realize that something is happening to you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand will not let you fall...Why do you persecute yourself with the question of where all this is coming from and where it is going? Since you know, after all, that you are in the middle of transitions and you wished for nothing so much as to change.

rilke seems not only unconcerned with certainty, he seems to advise against it. growth, change and transition are what life is made up of and one can never be completely open to these forces if she tries to keep to a certain path or govern where her life takes her.

how might you view the inevitable periods of transition in life differently if you saw them as opportunities, as the point of living rather than a difficulty to be endured?

being certain is overrated. i've decided to unabashedly declare myself uncertain. i am, so why not be real about it. and i'm hoping that with this uncertainty will come openness, fresh ideas, growth and change.

i'd love to hear your thoughts on certainty and life, as always post 'em here!

dream big,
-kirsten

two year old wisdom

2005-11-09T14:51:00.000-08:00

i had the pleasure of spending this last weekend with a two year old friend of mine. she is a brilliant, fun-loving, adventurous little person. we had a ton of fun hiking in the woods, swimming, playing house, climbing, and painting our fingernails - and to my surprise i moved much slower than usual. that's right, hanging with a two year old actually slowed me down.

now don't get me wrong, young children have loads more energy than the average 26 year old like myself, but they also use their energy in a very different way. what i found my friend had that i often lack was the patience and concentration to truly immerse herself in an activity. she could spend 20 minutes examining the dead ladybug in the windowsill while i was itching to head back outside, find some new ball to play with, or make sure we had what we needed for lunch.

when we hiked in the woods, the same thing happened. our hike didn't take us far because there was way too much to experience in just the first three feet. crunching through the fall leaves, each plant, bird song or insect called us to slow down and observe.

it was a marvelous weekend, and i ended it feeling physically exhausted and mentally renewed. i was so pleased to have spent the time i did watching the pond and listening to the birds, to have sat quietly while she slowly and painstakingly painted my fingernails. i realized as the weekend came to a close that my little friend had opened my mind, her two year old wisdom had shown me that slowing down allowed much more to happen than did my usual method of rushing to fit everything in.

when was the last time you immersed yourself completely in something?

how might your daily experiences differ if you slowed down and really soaked in every detail?

as always i'd love to hear your thoughts...post 'em here!

dream big,
-kirsten

living on purpose

2005-11-01T05:52:00.000-08:00

i've been thinking a lot lately about my "life purpose", thinking about it in new ways, asking new questions and pondering new potential places to focus my life's work. a friend of mine, who has been listening to me process all of this out loud sent me the list of questions below.

they were put together by lance beggs, you can check out more of his stuff at: www.howtobehappynow.com.

it's a long list, so i wouldn't recommend trying to take it all on at once. but, you could take one question a day for the next 50 days, or just skim it and ponder the questions that catch your eye or get you thinking. the act of taking time to think about your life, even if its only for five minutes, has immense value.

so, take some time out for you, and consider the following questions:
1. What is my life’s purpose?
2. If I had to take a best guess at my life’s purpose, what would it be?
3. Who am I?
4. What is the most important thing in my life?
5. What do I love to do, more than anything else?
6. If I had only six months left to live, what would I like to achieve?
7. What would I like to leave the world, as my legacy?
8. What would I do with my life, if I knew I could not fail?
9. If money, or time, or current responsibilities were not an issue, whatwould I like to do with my life, more than anything else in the world?
10. What activities have I discovered that give me the most pleasure?
11. What do I still want to learn?
12. When I was a child, what did I dream of doing with my life?
13. What has been the greatest challenge that I have overcome so far in my life? Could I help other people to overcome that same challenge?
14. What challenge would I love to overcome, and then help others achieve the same?
15. Who are the people I most admire?
16. Why do I admire these people?
17. How would I define their life’s purpose?
18. What qualities do these people possess that I’d also like to be known for?
19. What is the biggest dream I have ever had for my life?
20. What subjects did I enjoy most in school?
21. What sport have I most enjoyed?
22. What art or craft have I most enjoyed?
23. What social activity have I most enjoyed?
24. What hobbies have I pursued?
25. What hobbies do I wish I had pursued?
26. What would I like to do, if only other people didn’t think it was silly?
27. Where in the world would I most like to live?
28. Who would I like to live there with?
29. Where in the world would I like to work?
30. Who would I most like to work with?
31. What would my perfect day be like?
32. Is there a spiritual side to me, waiting to be unleashed?
33. What would I like to do, RIGHT NOW, which would bring me the most happiness or pleasure?
34. What special gift do I have that I could give to the world?
35. What makes me cry with joy, or brings tears to my eyes?
36. What would I like to do this weekend, just for fun?
37. If I could be granted the power to change the world, what would I do?
38. If I were given three wishes, what would they be?
39. What is something that scares me a bit, but would be really exciting if I did it?40. What does my heart say I am to do with my life?
41. What qualities do I possess that I am really proud of?
42. What have I done in my life that I am really proud of?
43. If I had time available to contribute to a charity, or some cause,what would it be?
44. What am I usually doing when I suddenly realize that time has flown by, and all my focus has been on that one task?
45. What do I want to do on my next vacation?
46. Who in history would I most love to be, and why?
47. What do I most regret not doing, so far in my life?
48. At the end of my life, what would I most regret not having done?
49. What is my life’s purpose?
50. If I had to take a best guess at my life’s purpose, and just get started with something that excites me, what would it be?

i'd love to hear your answers, or which questions you like best!

dream big,
-kirsten

change

2005-10-31T05:20:00.000-08:00

what a month! as i reflect on all that october has brought my way, i'm impressed with myself and ready for a month (or more) of reflection to catch up with all that has happened. the biggest thing i'm noticing as i think about all of my adventures, learnings and new schemes and ideas is that change is truly the only constant in our lives.

while i've heard people say things like this before, things like - "change is the only thing you can truly count on." i've never fully gotten it in the personal sense, it's never resonated in my life, until now. over the last few months, as i've been heading in new directions and back towards some old ones i'd abandoned - what has become entirely clear is that not only is there no "final destination" even the illusion of firmly planting your feet is just that - an illusion.

there is no standing still in this life. no reaching a conclusion, or neatly tying things up with a bow. we are constantly evolving, growing and learning. there is simply no way around it. in fact, i'm now noticing that even during the times in my life when i have felt stagnant and uninspired growth has nonetheless been my constant companion. i may not be able to see it until i look back in retrospect, but it was happening all along.

thinking about change in this new way - as something that is always happening and will always happen - gives me a great sense of peace. it removes the pressure to "be in control" and instead leads me to take actions that will simply guide or frame the changes that will inevitably come.

in reading about change, i've found this quote as both a challenge to let go and a comfort that we are all in this together:

All is change; all yields its place and goes.
-Euripides

how do you approach change?

what might shift in your life if you saw change as ever present rather than occasional and jarring?

as always, send your thoughts my way via post or email!

dream big,
-kirsten

body love

2005-10-21T05:39:00.000-07:00

i think for many of us when we think about our lives, how well they are going, how much we feel we are finding success in them, and so on, we think mostly about our accomplishments - about the external actions we have taken.

and while these things are important, i've been thinking lately about being pleased with our lives on all levels - including the physical level. we live in a culture where being unabashedly pleased with our physical selves is tricky to say the least.

it's due to no fault of our own that we can't hold onto the reality that we are beautiful, housed in amazing bodies that serve us moment by moment in extraordinary ways. we live in a culture where "beauty" as defined by those who sell it to us on a daily basis is unattainable except for the smallest percentage of humanity - and even for them it's a constantly shifting target.

imagining our lives outside of this beautification construct is hard to do. it permeates everything, including our consciousness. but fighting to do so is worth it. how can we really be wholly pleased with ourselves and act with confidence if on some level we are always beating ourselves up for having a too small of a chest or a too of a big belly?

i came across a quote recently, that got me thinking about tackling my negative thoughts head on. here's what it said:

If I were you, every time I put on a garment - pair of shoes, or gloves, or a T-shirt - I'd say something really nice to your body.

wow, i thought. what a paradigm shift that'd be! so, i've decided to try it. thanking and complimenting my body regularly - outloud even! i've found so far that just noticing it more is immensely helpful. and in particular noticing the parts i'm pleased with.

i'd love for you to try the experiment with me, spread the body love i say!

and as always share the results of your experiments here!

dream big,
-kirsten

balance in motion

2005-10-20T16:19:00.000-07:00

in one of my yoga classes last month my instructor had us do a balancing pose where we kept our lifted leg in motion the entire time we were in the pose. mastering balance, he pointed out, happens when we can find balance even while in motion.

these last few weeks, i've been up to big things. leading in new ways, in bigger ways and in more personal ways. it's been exhilarating, exhausting and overall taking a major toll on any sense of balance in my world.

some of you may have noticed that i've been posting less, my partner has noticed that i've been home less, and i've noticed that i've been feeling any semblance of calm less. reflecting on the state of my world, my mind brought me back to that yoga pose.

it reminded me that balance is really all about motion. while the pose my instructor had us do pushed us to stay balanced while making large movements, no balancing pose is ever held by being completely still. in fact being completely still is simply not possible for living human beings. it's not part of our repertoire.

in the same way, a balanced life is not something we arrive at, but something we create day by day. life requires motion to keep going, and thus a balanced life requires that we are in a constant state of adjusting and adapting to the motions of life.

i'm comforted by these thoughts, reminded that all is not lost. it's not as if a couple of weeks being full to the brim means that i have lost my balance completely, it simply means my adjustments have to be bigger. and getting back to yoga class would be a great place to start.

what helps you create a life of balance in motion? what adjustments do you need to make?

as always, i'd love to hear your thoughts, so post 'em here.

dream big,
-kirsten

childhood lessons

2005-10-17T20:18:00.000-07:00

in the early years of our lives we learn a tremendous amount in a very short period of time, it's truly amazing the capacity young brains have to absorb information. as we look back on these things we've learned, viewing them through our adult perspectives, we often overlook their complexity. what becomes clear upon further investigation, however, is that these basic skills we learn when we are young employ some of our greatest wisdom and sharpest wit to master.

curt rosengren's blog, the occupational adventure, recently referred to an article that revealed the wisdom found in learning just such a task: being toilet trained. as the article states:

Although this time can be a frustrating and messy one, it's a great opportunity for you to model for your daughter how to approach many of life's challenges:
- when you want to do something, it's easier
-if you don't want to do something, figure out why
-internal motivation is the best motivation
-identify what it is that stands between you and completing your goal
-sometimes pull-ups slow down your progress
-often others see when you are shifting from foot to foot, before you do
-continuing to do what you are comfortable with can keep you from growing
-poop happens, accidents are part of learning to do it right
-don't beat yourself up over mistakes
-overcoming a challenge is a process
-sometimes you just need to do it
-celebrate successes!

learning new things always involves some level of challenge. this list is an excellent reminder of how capable we are to handle the challenges placed before us. we are fully able to jump into action when the moment is right and learn from our mistakes and then head out to try again and likely make new ones.

what items on this list can you apply to your current projects and challenges? as always i'd love to hear your thoughts so feel free to post them here!

dream big,
-kirsten

what barriers?

2005-10-12T10:36:00.000-07:00

i just returned from an amazing international young adult leaders conference in ben lomond, ca. the conference was for people in their twenties who are leaders in a peer counseling organization i am a part of. the organization has as its primary goals the elimination of racism and the empowerment of young people. for more info check out their website www.rc.org.

the conference was amazing in so many ways, one of the things that had the biggest impact on me was getting to see how much can happen in an international group in spite of the fact that people speak different languages, come from different cultures and have had widely varied life experiences. we often assume that differences like these will create barriers for connection and collaboration, but this past weekend showed me that this can be far from true.

there were people from japan, australia, botswana, kenya, england, mexico, poland, sweden, usa, and more at the conference. the experience that most clearly made evident to me that there were no real barriers in this group was a late night of game playing. we played a variety of interactive games, laughing hysterically and having a fabulous time in a group where the languages spoken ranged from swedish to japanese. it turned out that not only could we navigate whatever language issues came up, for the most part they didn't. we ended the evening feeling connected and filled with a great feeling of happy exhaustion.

as i've begun settling back into my life in minnesota i've been reflecting on these experiences and thinking about how they fit into my life here. what individuals or groups of people do i pull back from based on a belief that our differences will prevent us from forming connections? and more broadly, what barriers do i assume exist that perhaps do not?

how about you, what barriers do you make assumptions about? and i'm not talking just about barriers between people, but barriers in general. have you made assumptions about barriers between you and the job you want or about your ability to tackle certain projects or go after certain ideas?

this conference showed me that questioning the barriers that we assume exist in our lives may well be worth our while. stripping these presumed barriers of their power over us may reveal that behind them lies an amazing wealth of opportunity just waiting to be discovered.

dream big,
-kirsten

notes from the universe

2005-10-04T15:24:00.000-07:00

thanks to jodee over at you already know this stuff, a few months back i signed up for a marvelous service from tut's adventurer's club called notes from the universe.

as often as you select, personalized notes directly from the universe to you arrive in your inbox. they cheer you on, debunk your self-doubt and most importantly remind you that the universe is indeed on your side. yesterday i got one of my favorite notes to date:

Oh, shoot, Kirsten! I don't think I ever told you that whilst in pursuit of a grand and wonderful dream, should you all of a sudden round a bend and see before you an enormous uncharted mountain with towering cliffs, jagged rocks, and seemingly impenetrable walls, just consider it a sign that your dream is considerably more worthwhile than you had previously imagined, and that you are exactly where you're supposed to be.
Kudos -
The Universe

it was exactly what i needed to hear, moreover it was written with the brilliant tone that all of my notes from the universe contain - a light, silly, "of course this is true why even bother arguing" tone. argument proof encouragment, who could ask for more?

so, if you enjoy being cheered on as much as i do - check out tut's website...and see what the universe has to say to you!

dream big,
-kirsten

the comfort zone

2005-10-03T11:28:00.000-07:00

last night i had the opportunity to step outside of my comfort zone. my partner, a brilliant handyman and carpenter, took on a project building a wheelchair ramp for a neighbor of ours. the project seemed to get more complex at each turn and the weekend, which he had set aside to do the work, was running out. so i offered to help.

i'm not really sure what i was thinking i'd do when i offered to help, but when he asked if i'd rather screw in deck boards with the drill or cut boards with the circular saw i was a bit caught off guard. power tools, yikes. i took a few minutes to gather myself and decided a drill seemed much less scary than a saw - no real danger of losing a limb. he did a quick demonstration of how to space the boards, gave me a couple tips on using the drill and sent me to work.

i can't say that i ever really "got the hang of it", but i managed to successfully screw in one whole section of ramp. and at the end of the night when we pushed the wheelchair down that section i must admit i felt quite proud.

using a power tool to build a deck is a totally different kind of challenge than i am used to taking on -it definitely pushed me outside of my comfort zone...and it was great. i got to experience firsthand what it is my partner spends a whole chunk of his life doing, and understood better why he loves it. it made me notice my ability to learn new things and to use my physical strength to accomplish something.

it also served to remind me that almost everything we think of as undoable is in reality simply a learned skill. my partner was not born with the innate ability to deftly maneuver a drill, he's just done it a few thousand more times than me.

pushing ourselves outside our comfort zones can be done in big or small ways, but it almost always pays off with new perspectives, increased confidence and often new skills.

when was the last time you ventured outside your comfort zone?

what might you try if you gave yourself the challenge to put comfort aside and learn something new?

i'd love to hear about your adventures outside your comfort zone, post 'em here.

dream big,
-kirsten

being who we are

2005-10-01T20:50:00.000-07:00

lately i’ve been questioning a lot of my most basic assumptions. thinking way outside the boxes i have long lived inside and considering what might be different if i didn’t adhere to their parameters.

one of the things i have come to as i’ve considered, deliberated and pondered, is that just being who we are is a really big deal. in fact, i’ve begun to think of it as a revolutionary act.

we live in a culture where the name of the game is to be just like everyone else, to fit in, to be hip, to follow the latest trends. being our often awkward, goofy, unrefined selves is not what we are encouraged to do. following our unprofitable passions, exploring our quirky questions, or donning our own unique look is often seen as abnormal, a waste of time or even nuts.

but isn’t this what being on this planet is all about, developing who we are as distinct individuals and seeing what our special combination of characteristics can add to the world? what would the world have missed out on if people like albert einstein or amelia earhart had listened to the many people who must have told them they ought to abandon the nonsense they were up to and settle down to a normal life?

being who we really are requires us to think beyond the shoulds and ought tos we’ve heard and internalized. it may mean questioning some ideas that we now think of as unquestionable. perhaps it means questioning whether or not you really want to get married, or have children, or whether or not you like the place you live, or the work you do.

who are you? it’s a question we answer in so many different ways at so many different points in our lives. try asking it of yourself on a deeper level. what would it mean to be true to yourself completely, each and every quirky part?

i plan to keep asking myself, and would love to hear any thoughts you have to share, feel free to post them here!

dream big,
-kirsten

recycling ideas

2005-09-29T09:56:00.000-07:00

hanna's most recent post over at making a difference is on the topic of recycling. she takes her love of recycling to a big picture level using it as a metaphor for thinking about life, here's what she has to say:

On a bigger scope, I'm reminded that finding ways to recycle ourselves daily, annually, and over the course of our lives, is part of our task as leaders and change agents. Taking what is old, used up, discarded and making it new again; giving away what we no longer use to others who can make better use of it, or who can do something new with something that we don't need anymore.

being a big recycling nut myself, i found hanna's metaphor very appealing. while i was in high school and college i worked for five years at a fabulous thrift store here in minneapolis - arc's value village thrift store. it was a fabulous job, with a great organization, and in many ways became my second home. among many great finds i made there over the years, i found my partner, who is still an employee of the organization.

working with other people's junk can provide a variety of interesting perspectives. on the most basic level it gives a tremendous insight into the material affluence of US society. people have a lot of stuff in this country, and are buying more all the time. but beyond the perspective provided by the sheer quantity is the complex reality of what people choose to give away. as we used to say "one person's trash is another person's treasure."

these words are what came to mind as i read hanna's post. not only do we get to as hanna says "make ourselves new again" we get to do so from our own unique perspective. our treasure may be another's trash and vice versa.

imagine what it would mean to embrace this trash-treasure perspective in your life...

what might you try that you hadn't considered before for fear that others might deem it trash?

what might you chuck that you've always been told you were supposed to treasure?

got your own recycled perspectives to share? post them here!

dream big,
-kirsten

being an ally

2005-09-27T15:26:00.000-07:00

supporting others, working in collaboration, acting as a mentor - these are endeavors we find ourselves involved in all the time, in both our personal and professional lives. lately, as i play this role in a variety of situations i am developing a greater and greater appreciation for all that can be learned when we are in a supporting role. or as i like to approach it - when we decide to become someone's ally.

i prefer the term ally over most others as i think it more accurately captures the sense of partnership and common purpose that exists when we decide to support others in their pursuits. it avoids the connotations of either being a martyr, or being an all-knowing instructor. when we ally ourselves with someone we've decided to join their team - not take it over or give our entire lives to it.

at times we become someone's ally in an effort to support them in something we know very little about, other times we sign on to assist in an area in which we are skilled and knowledgeable - but in both situations the opportunities for learning are immense.

over the past few months, i have been acting as an ally to my youngest brother who just started college. i've helped him navigate the applications, financial aid forms and class registration process and more recently have been reading and editing some of his papers. my expertise in these areas has been a tremendous asset to him, but i've also been learning through the process. i've been learning how to support my brother without doing things for him and i've been learning what subjects and ideas he is passionate about. it's been a ton of fun to have this opportunity to learn more about who my brother is and who he wants to become.

i also made a decision a few months ago to be an ally to a friend of mine who is having a baby. this is an area where my expertise is quite limited, which has meant the opportunity for a ton of learning. i've gotten to read the books and magazines she is reading, ask lots of questions and listen to her think about everything from choosing a midwife to making a plan for after the birth.

both of these experiences have enriched my life greatly. i am learning a tremendous amount, and getting closer to people i care about.

what have you learned from being someone's ally?

are there people in your personal or professional life who you want to become an ally to?

as always i'd love to hear about your adventures in living big and supporting others to do the same...post them here!

dream big,
-kirsten

recurring themes

2005-09-22T05:04:00.000-07:00

it's always interesting when the universe decides to send us thoughts, insights and ideas on a recurring theme for a few days in a row. it seems to suggest that taking a longer look at something might be in order.

this has been the case this week as i continue to get one universal hello after another on the theme of 'we are what we think', or more specifically we are what we think of ourselves.

today, this quote arrived in my inbox, thanks to a fabulous service from thinkexist.com:

It is what a man thinks of himself that really determines his fate.
-Henry David Thoreau

huh, i thought, sounds a lot like what i've writing about lately. as i thought about it further what it brought to mind was the power of thought over action.

action is what ultimately makes things happen, what gets results, but thoreau's quote seems to suggest that without the foundation of thought, our actions really have no oomph. he doesn't say how hard someone works determines his fate, or how many brilliant ideas he generates, or who he knows. he'd probably agree with us that all of these things can impact one's fate, but his point seems to be that what we think of ourselves matters more than any of this.

in a world so focused on accomplishment, production and output it can be hard to remember that our thoughts have great value. but they do. i'm sure we can all think of times when we were feeling confident in ourselves and were able to pull off tremendous things, and then later when coming from a place of less confidence fell flat in our efforts.

so what do you think of yourself? what kind of fate are your thoughts leading you towards?

if you are like me, and i think most humans out there, you could probably be thinking more highly of yourself a lot of the time.

my proposal is to make a "to think" list, like a to do list, but of things to think rather than to do. brainstorm the things you love about yourself, the things you are good at, the things other people love about you and make yourself a list. keep it handy, say on your bedroom or office wall or in your planner, and let it remind you what is true of you.

and as always, feel free to share, i'd love to read your "to think" lists so post 'em here!

dream big,
-kirsten

loving ourselves

2005-09-21T05:51:00.000-07:00

everywhere i go lately it seems there are people being hard on themselves. beating themselves up for not doing this or that, or not being this or that. often, these people are some of the most loving and generous people i know - except when it comes to themselves.

my parents did something very right in my youngest years of life, some combination of love and confidence built the foundation for me to like myself, pretty much unconditionally. even with this foundation in place however, i find it difficult not to be hard on myself for things i do. sure i like who i am, but my actions now that's another story. somehow my brain has decided that there is a loophole in loving myself, as long as i love who i am i can beat myself up for what i do.

i think many of us have these loopholes, "i'm a good person, i just suck at _____."

the problem with loopholes like these and the resulting self-bashing they bring about is that they keep us from seeing who we really are, and therefore from being who we are.

when we look at our friends or our family members it's easy to see how amazing, talented and lovable they are. it can be a lot trickier to see these things in ourselves. but surely they are there. because just as we can see them in our friends, they can see them in us.

most of us were raised to think that speaking highly of ourselves was arrogant. we didn't want to brag, so we rarely mentioned the things we did well. the problem is by not mentioning these things we allow them to lose significance, to fade away and be forgotten. this happens all the while we are highly vocal about our mistakes, shortcomings and goof-ups. as a result we end up with an extremely lopsided picture of who we are.

i think buddha said it best:

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

how would your life be different if you adopted this perspective?

what might shift in your life if you put a ban on self-bashing?

try it out and as always share your insights here!

dream big,
-kirsten

p.s. one forewarning, if you decide to invoke a ban, please don't be hard on yourself when you break it. you will, it's unavoidable, and being hard on yourself for being hard on yourself, well it's a downward spiral to say the least. i speak from experience.

personal stereotypes

2005-09-19T15:22:00.001-07:00

i've written before about challenging our assumptions, and the important role it can play in opening up greater possibility for what can happen in our lives. the last couple days i've been thinking about this specifically as it relates to the "type" of people we see ourselves as. the assumptions we make about who we are and who we are capable of becoming.

from the time we are young we get messages about who we are. these messages are often communicated in relation to other people, who you are as compared to your siblings, your parents or your cousins - how you stand out or are similar. we are told that we are the smart one, the shy one, the goofy one.

these early characterizations of us stick - in a big way. sometimes these messages are right on the mark and allow us to take great pride in these parts of ourselves. unfortunately, sometimes they aren't so accurate, and when this is the case they can become major road blocks to creating the life we want. in many ways they are like personal stereotypes, oversimplified and unfounded opinions we hold about who we are as people.

challenging these assumptions can broaden what is possible in all aspects of our lives, from our relationships to our career path. the importance of freeing ourselves of these assumptions came to mind as i was noticing the stereotypes i have about myself based on the messages i got when i was a kid: i am a people person, not an artist.

these assumptions become clear when i have ideas about things i'd like to do that involve me being more creative and artistic - almost always i immediately dismiss them. and yet, when i have ideas about new ways i can build community and help people live bigger lives, even if they seem incredibly challenging, i'm willing to entertain them.

what possibilities do i close myself off to by accepting these assumptions? moreover, how silly to try and stay convinced that i am not an artistic person in the midst of my mind coming up with idea upon creative idea.

what stereotypes do you have about yourself?

what possibilities might open up if you allowed yourself to challenge them?

as always share your insights and thoughts here, i'd love to hear what you are noticing and figuring out!

dream big,
-kirsten

brain space

2005-09-18T15:04:00.000-07:00

ever since i embarked on the journey to carve out a new career for myself, my experiences have proved time and again that life can only evolve into what we really want when we open ourselves up to it being just that - a journey.

it brings me back to one of my favorite passages, which i've written about before. the passage is part of a letter written by ranier maria rilke:

Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

approaching life from this perspective allows so much more to happen, it creates such possiblity because it reminds us that we don't have to be doing "the exact right thing" we can just do what seems like the best thing to do next.

what i am noticing about this process most recently is that sometimes as we are working our way through the questions, new ideas only come once the old ones have been completely worked through. it's as if there is only so much space in our brain in which thoughts and ideas can take seed. as we let go of the old ideas, which life has proved to be unworkable, new questions and ideas can move into the available space we've just created.

as often happens, just as i was mulling this concept over the universe delivered a confirmation that i was on the right track. it was in jodee's recent post on her great blog you already know this stuff. the visual on this was really helpful, so check out the full post to get the full effect.

When we go through any kind of creative process like brainstorming, we usually don't allow ourselves enough time. We go through the motions, bringing in our old ideas, and then get bored when we've had a chance to dump those ideas we came in with. But the real value - and often the breakthrough ideas - come when we allow the process to work its way through that first downward trend and come back up even higher on the value scale.

while this description is pointing more to an exercise than to the experience of living life, i think it's entirely applicable to the bigger picture. too often we have some concept of something we want to create, accomplish or make happen and once we've tried our first two or three ideas and failed - we give up. we never let ourselves see what would happen if we kept thinking, exploring and trying things beyond those first failed attempts.

i'm noticing that the ideas i am having most recently, new ideas that i am really excited about have taken root largely because i have fully let go of the ideas that were in my mind when i started on this journey nearly a year ago. i've accepted that those first ideas were simply a means to a further end. the new ideas i'm having never would have come about had i not tried the things i've recently tried, but they also wouldn't have shown up if i'd given up all together once the old ideas lost their gleam.

what ideas are you hanging onto in spite of the fact that they've lost their appeal? what might you create space for if you let go of them?

is it time to return to the brainstorming phase with new information and experience in hand?

i'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences on the evolution of ideas and approaching life as a journey, post them here!

dream big,
-kirsten

the station agent

2005-09-15T15:34:00.000-07:00

it's not often that i see a movie that has a big enough impact on me that i want to write about it. but, the station agent, which i saw earlier this week was amazing, and i couldn't imagine not telling you about it.

you may or may not have heard of the film. it won a number of awards at the cannes film festival, including best screenplay. it was recommended to me by a friend a few weeks ago, she said simply that it was "a great story about friendship".

she was absolutely correct, the movie is just that. it's a phenomenal story about hanging in there with people, about finding friends in unlikely places and about the tenacity if often takes to make friendships a success.

watching it gave me new energy and excitement about my friendships. it got me thinking about the places we settle for less than we want in our relationships, and what it is that holds us back.

the boldness with which the characters in the movie pursue each other is inspiring. and it reminded me that often times embarrassing yourself, leaving your comfort zone, or pushing someone else outside theirs is simply the price to be paid in forging real connections.

what holds you back in your friendships?

what would your dream friendship be like? how would you feel, act, grow in it?

invite some friends over and see the movie, i think you'll be glad you did! and as always post your thoughts on friendship or reviews of the movie here!

dream big, -kirsten

getting busy

2005-09-13T14:34:00.000-07:00

a friend of mine recently pointed out a trend she had been noticing as she was out and about in the world. she noticed that nearly every time she asked someone how they were they replied with a short, simple and all too common - "busy", sometimes she got a "busy, but good", but this was less common than the first response.

moreover, she noted that it's not just that "busy" has become a common response it's in many ways become the acceptable response. as though answering the question "how are you" with a simple "good" is no longer really kosher, if you're not busy something's not right.

in the days following this conversation with my friend, i noticed that her observations seemed to be overwhelmingly accurate based on my empirical evidence. i ran into the "busy" response all over, at work, with friends, and sometimes coming out of my own mouth.

it got me thinking what all of this busyness is about. many in my life might say that i have little authority to speak on this subject. i am by all rights an active person. i do a lot in my life and always have. but from my perspective being busy is far different that living a full life.

in thinking about this concept i came across this quote:

The feeling of being hurried is not usually the result of living a full life and having no time. It is on the contrary born of a vague fear that we are wasting our life. When we do not do the one thing we ought to do, we have no time for anything else- we are the busiest people in the world. - Eric Hoffer

this fit in with the perspective that i've adopted about busyness and how to avoid it - do less of the things you don't want to do. for instance, i stopped "running errands" i know that sounds undoable, but i've managed to make it a very rare occasion when i have to set aside a special chunk of time to go to multiple stores to buy stuff. instead, i time my trips to the bank, the grocery store and the drugstore to fit in on my way to or from work - and i buy less stuff. it has reduced my stress considerably.

a few of the blogs i read have talked recently about busyness and putting what is most important first, in hanna's post on the topic she mentioned the 80/20 principle, otherwise known as the pareto principle. here's a sampling from a recent article of what the principle is all about:

The value of the Pareto Principle is that it reminds you to focus on the 20 percent that matters. Of the things you do during your day, only 20 percent really matter. Those 20 percent produce 80 percent of your results. Identify and focus on those things. When the fire drills of the day begin to sap your time, remind yourself of the 20 percent you need to focus on. If something in the schedule has to slip, if something isn't going to get done, make sure it's not part of that 20 percent.

what a great reminder. putting what is most important to us first, not only will help us to feel less busy, it will get us greater results.

so what's on your 20% list? what are the things you want to put first?

and what falls into the 80% category? how can you think in new ways about doing these things less often or not at all?

as always i'd love to hear your thoughts, post them here!

dream big,
-kirsten

what do you think?

2005-09-09T10:48:00.000-07:00

as i've been focusing more on my writing, developing and expanding my ideas and doing my best to put them out into the world in a clear, concise way, i've been learning some interesting lessons.

one of the most important of these lessons, is that it can be very easy for us to cede our thinking to that of others or to the generally accepted notions expressed in society. more simply put - we swallow things whole. we accept things at face value rather than putting them through the filter of our thinking, our values and our vision.

when someone asks your opinion on something, or when you are trying to solve a problem, how often do you find your mind referencing some fact or perspective you heard somewhere else and parroting it back word for word? we so often let our brains go on auto-pilot. sometimes we do so out of necessity, we are so pushed to produce more and more, quicker and quicker that snap answers seem like the only option. but so much is lost in our experience of life when we simply accept what is rather than questioning, considering and then formulating our thoughts.

and don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that we shouldn't learn from the thoughts and ideas of others, on the contrary i think that is a large part of what life is all about, what i'm aiming for is to actually learn rather than simply reciting. to interalize the ideas i come across, to think them through and meld them with what i already know and believe, to make them my own.

i think the tendency to swallow ideas whole can be an especially easy trap to fall into when we are in contact with people who we perceive as having more experience or knowledge than us. they share an idea and we assume it must be right, after all they "know what they're talking about." the question is do we know what they're talking about? do we agree with it? do we have a unique perspective to add?

one of the biggest assets i gained from my liberal arts education is my ability to think critically. i was literally taught how to think for myself, how to read something, analyze it, and then formulate my own ideas about it. it's a skill that is easy to let fall away as we enter the working world, but one that i think makes life all the richer if we can hold onto it.

so as you go about your life, in fact as you're reading this blog, i challenge you to really think about your own unique perspectives and opinions on all that you come in contact with.
what do you think about the ideas i'm writing about? what do you think about the plan your company has for expansion? what do you think about the news coverage in your local paper?

and as always i'd love to know what you think, so post your comments here!

dream big,
-kirsten

listening

2005-09-08T15:05:00.000-07:00

as we go about our daily lives it's easy to let our to-do lists drive us, to multitask our way through. one of the results of this is that it becomes rare for us to give our undivided attention to any one thing. this includes one of the most important things we can utilize our undivided attention for - to listen to the people in our life.

i came across this quote yesterday and it brought the importance of truly listening back to the forefront of my mind:

The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention.
-Richard Moss

so often when we feel overwhelmed, depressed or just plain freaked out, all we really need is for someone to listen to us rant, rave and think things through, and suddenly things feel more manageable. making it a priority to stop and listen when we are talking to the people in our lives, and expecting the same of them, can have big results.

have you ever had that experience where you are trying to solve a problem, maybe it's some oddity in balancing your checkbook, and you just can't figure it out, so you decide to go and ask someone for help. and no sooner have the words explaining the problem left your mouth then the solution becomes totally clear. it's as if you didn't need the other person there for any other reason than to listen.

listening is a powerful tool. and it's a tool that is available to all of us.

i was watching some of the only hopeful media coverage i've seen of hurricane katrina to date - it was on oprah yesterday. she had rounded up a crew of celebrities to help the victims of the hurricane in a variety of ways. while their efforts were meaningful, what i found most touching was the footage of them just sitting with folks and listening. allowing people to tell their stories again and again and thus begin the healing process.

not only does being listened to allow us to solve problems and move through difficulties, it meets a basic human need we have to feel heard. we are all born with distinct thoughts, ideas and gifts to share during our time on this planet. being listened to allows us to fulfill our purpose.

what helps you to slow down and really listen to the people in your lives?

what do you need someone to sit down and listen to you think, talk or cry about?

i'd love to hear your thoughts on the power of listening, and what you notice as you take time to give and receive undivided attention, as always feel free to post them here!

dream big,
-kirsten

our impact

2005-09-06T14:52:00.000-07:00

i woke up this morning feeling weighed down. after a great weekend away from technology, and for the most part news, returning to hear of the ongoing devastation in the southern united states left me feeling powerless and overwhelmed.

before i headed off to work i took a few moments to just sit and cry. it's amazing how when tragedies, like hurricane katrina, happen we so often allow ourselves no time to grieve. you may not know a single soul that lives in the affected area, but just watching as your fellow humans struggle to survive is devastating and fully deserving of grief and sadness.

as i moved on with my day and began sifting through the email i'd received over the weekend, a recurring message seemed to be coming my way. you are not powerless.

it was so useful for me to be reminded, both that grief is normal and that i do have an impact on my world. i figured you might also enjoy the reminder. so i thought i'd share the messages that showed up for me today.

the first was in an email from my former yoga instructor:

Many thoughts to the people experiencing all of the destruction from the hurricane. Sometimes when I end class, I like to say my favorite mantra, "Lokah Samasta, Suki No, Bavantu." Which translates to, "May all my thoughts and actions somehow contribute to the peace and happiness for all beings around the world." And ya know, it can be the little stuff like carpooling, riding a bike to work, mowing someone's lawn, making a healthy organic meal from local farmers, or taking the time to hear someone with your ears, eyes, body and soul by offering them your presence.

a few hours later i received this message from a listserv that i am on:

The transformation of society also consists of daily, ordinary and so called "small" actions that we all do. These may not be remembered by history, but they nevertheless determine it in a certain way. As I push myself to expand my circle of action and become bolder and more effective, I am struggling not to feel bad for not doing enough, or not doing the right thing, and to avoid the trap of "if you can't make it all, there is no use in your efforts" which usually leads to sitting back and doing nothing. It is also important to remember that while we prioritize our goals, that does not mean that we only have one goal. There is no such thing as negligible change - if you care about it, its worth the effort. Even if it is "only" number seventy five on the list, it will move us forward.

as we take the time to grieve and determine how we want to help in this tragedy and others, it is important for us keep in place a perspective that we are powerful and that we can and do have an impact on our world.

keeping this perspective in place helped me to start brainstorming what i wanted to do in response to hurricane katrina. i was able to decide to act, knowing that even if my contribution seems small, i will have an impact.

what impact have you had in the last week?

what impact do you want to have in the week to come?

as always i'd love to hear your thoughts, post them here!

dream big,
-kirsten

summer reflections

2005-09-01T15:47:00.000-07:00

as the first day of september dawns and the summer months come to a close i have been thinking about perspectives on the passing of time.

last night, i went to the mn state fair with my partner and a couple of close friends. it was a beautiful evening, we ate great food, rode frighteningly fun rides, watched baby chicks hatch from their eggs and admired great art made from everything from driftwood to cream of wheat. i love the fair. it's a fabulous minnesota tradition and one that always makes summer feel complete for me.

as we wandered among the barns and pronto pup stands our conversation inevitably turned to the onset of fall and the ending of summer. my friends made the usual comments about how quickly summer had passed and how they couldn't believe it was over. the very same comments i'd heard from coworkers earlier in the day.

the strange thing was i didn't find myself chiming in to agree this year. instead, i noted how i feel like summer has been full and long. a great expanse of fun, adventure and sunshine. i'd certainly felt as they did in the past, like summer had flown by, so what was different about this year?

i realized as i thought about it this morning that two things contributed to my newfound perspective. the first is that i made a decision early on this year that i was going to live this summer fully. i didn't have a ton of vacation time, but i deeply enjoyed the time i did. moreover, i lived all of my free time this summer as much like a vacation as possible. whether it was taking a trip to the beach three times in one week or laying in the sunshine in my backyard reading, i took full advantage of what summer in minnesota has to offer.

the second, and possibly more important reason, is that i have simply taken some time to reflect on the events of the summer. sitting down to reread my journal entries from my trip out west this june, or remembering the feel of swimming in the warm water of lake superior in july has helped me to know that i had a full summer.

it seems to me that our attitude that time is passing quickly, escaping us before we've had a chance to really enjoy it, is one more way we give up on really being present in our lives.
'if summer is already over what chance do i have of really enjoying fall before winter hits?', we ask ourselves.

what if instead we chose a perspective of noticing how full our lives have been this summer. taking stock of all the learning and growth we've experienced in the last three months. how might this affect our outlook on the months ahead?

and let's be clear i'm not assuming that you had a great summer, maybe it has been a rough few months. regardless, noticing how we have grown and that the passing of time has changed us is a useful perspective to hold as we think about what is possible for the time that lies ahead of us.

try it out, make a list either on paper or just in your head of what happened in your life this summer. here are some questions to get you started:

-what new perspectives do i have now that i didn't have at the beginning of the summer? what events brought these about?

-what are my highlights of the summer?

-how have i grown this summer? what did i learn?

sometimes using events as markers can help us to realize how much we actually have experienced and grown. for instance think about what books you were reading at the beginning of the summer, or what you did the first weekend of june, how were you feeling then and how is that different from how you are feeling now?

the more we can notice how rich and full our lives truly are, the more energy we have for making them even richer and fuller.

so the next time someone says "can you believe summer is over already?" you can respond with a real answer about how this summer shaped your life.

as always, post your thoughts here. i'd love to hear your answers to the questions above or any thoughts you have about the passing of time!

dream big,
-kirsten

dynamic optimism

2005-08-31T14:48:00.000-07:00

i love when ideas come into our lives just as we become ready to receive them. the concept of dynamic optimism showed up for me in just this way. i learned about this concept from a recent post on curt rosengren's ever-inspiring blog the occupational adventure.

i have always considered myself an optimist, in fact i think almost everyone i know would hands down say that i qualify as one. being an optimist has at times been a lonely pursuit. many today feel that realism is the correct approach to the world and accuse optimists of being naive and misguided.

moreover, i think many people who have big dreams for our world and are working to make it a better place have fallen into a pattern of being "opposed to" things rather than "in support of" them leaving them sounding more often like pessimists than optimists as they go about trying to creative positive social change. a strange place to end up.

dynamic optimism is a brilliant way of defining what i have always considered optimism to be:

An active, empowering, constructive attitude that creates conditions for success by focusing and acting on possibilities and opportunities.

as max more goes on to discuss in his article on the subject, optimism is not simply about approaching life positively - it's about influencing things to move in a positive direction. as he states:

The dynamic optimist both interprets experience positively, and influences outcomes positively. Merely believing that everything will work out fine without taking action makes one a foolish optimist, not a dynamic optimist.

more outlines twelve steps involved in being a dynamic optimist. i think they speak for themselves and are a great set of ideas to consider as we think about our outlook on the world:

INTERPRETING EXPERIENCE POSITIVELY:
1) Selective Focus: Emphasizing the enjoyable, constructive, open aspects of life.
2) Refraining from Complaining: Avoiding pointless complaining and whining about one’s difficulties. Taking the world as it is and not complaining that life isn’t fair.
3) Questioning Limits: A constructive skepticism that challenges the limiting beliefs held by ourselves, our associates, and our society. A fundamental creative openness to possibilities.
4) Sense of Abundance: Feeling free to do what you want, rather than feeling compelled by circumstances or people. Recognizing the world to be full of opportunities. Being for things, not against things.
5) Humor: Seeing one’s own shortcomings with a sense of humor. Allowing healthy, good-natured humor to reveal new perspectives and combat dogmatic thinking.
INFLUENCING OUTCOMES POSITIVELY:
6) Rational: Using reason rather than being lead by fears and desires. Objectively assessing situations and taking action based on understanding reality apart from our wishes.
7) Self-Improving: Optimists see the self as a process and seek continual improvement. Their drive to improve is not pushed by fear but pulled by a inspiring self-image.
8) Experimental: Frequently trying fresh approaches, staying out of ruts, actively seeking more effective ways of achieving goals, and being willing to take calculated risks.
9) Self-Confident: Believing that we can bring about good things. A fundamental conviction of competence in living.
10) Self-Worth: Believing one is worthy of success and happiness. Without this, attempts to improve one’s life will lack motivation.
11) Personal Responsibility: Taking charge and creating the conditions for success. Being aware of how we determine our chances of success. This crucially involves integrity: living according to one’s values.
12) Selecting Environment: Being attracted to positive people and situations. Seeking out those who will support and inspire, not discourage, distract, and undermine.

do you consider yourself an optimist?

how could acting on the principles of dynamic optimism affect your life?

as always share your thoughts, i'd love to hear!

dream big,
-kirsten

life as an apprentice

2005-08-30T14:50:00.000-07:00

i've been thinking a lot lately about the message we get that we are supposed to pick a career path and get climbing already - up, up, up that career ladder. it's an interesting expectation to navigate.

i find it problematic for two reasons. the first is that it assumes that our goal is to "reach the top" in our career and second is because it assumes we will be climbing just that one ladder. i think in today's economy and in our lives as twentysomethings (or thirty or fortysomethings for that matter) this is a highly unlikely reality.

we are complex people and this is a complex world. careers no longer last a lifetime as they did for past generations of workers. climbing the ladder becomes a whole new game when you know going into it that you will likely find yourself on at least 5 ladders in your lifetime.

in addition, the goal of reaching the top seems in many ways like a set up. now i'm not saying that i don't advocate putting your full self into your passions and striving to be your best - but the idea of "the top" seems wrought with unattainable expectations. moreover, it puts us in a place where we are measuring our success based on society's standards instead of our own.

as i've been milling all of this over, i came across this brilliant quote:

We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.
-Ernest Hemingway

whether hemingway is referring to writing or to life in general in this quote i am uncertain. regardless of the original intent i think the concept provides an interesting perspective for us to consider.

what if life was not about becoming a master, but rather remaining in a place of learning?

how would you approach your career differently if you felt no pressure to "reach the top"?

as always i'd love to hear your thoughts, feel free to post them here!

dream big,
-kirsten

making money, being happy

2005-08-25T05:36:00.000-07:00

fortunately or unfortunately, having money is a necessity in our world. we all need food, shelter and clothing and thus we all need money to buy them. in the US though, money has become much more than simply a means to fulfill our basic needs. our capitalist economy uses money to lure us into competition with our friends and neighbors, to persuade us into working jobs we don't like and to buy things we have no idea why we feel we need.

as a twentysomething, money is a tricky issue. in my ongoing efforts to not give up on my dreams, to be who i am and to build a vibrant community for myself money can feel like a daunting opponent. as such, i find it immensely helpful to be reminded that while we all need money, our instincts are right in telling us that it will not be what brings us happiness.

in fact, as jeremy over at lifestylism has been blogging about lately, research shows that contrary to the messages all around us - money does not equal happiness. instead the article he cites by dayana yochim of the motley fool describes what really does matter:

According to the University of Chicago's National Opinion Research Center:

-People with five or more close friends (excluding family members) are 50% more likely to describe themselves as "very happy" than respondents with fewer.

-A loving marriage: 40% of married American adults report themselves as "very happy," vs. 26% of those who are not married.

-Good health.

-A connection with a congregation such as your community or a religious group.

On the other hand, a survey of 800 college alumni showed that classmates who valued high income, job success, and prestige more than close friends and love were twice as likely to be "fairly" or "very" unhappy.

Happy people, it seems, concentrate on their own successes and don't compare themselves -- their income, their family time -- with others. They do not judge others or dwell on negative feelings. If they do dwell on the better performance of a colleague or friend, it is to learn ways for self-improvement.

"By far the greatest predictor of happiness in the literature is intimate relationships," Sonja Lyubomirsky, a researcher at the University of California-Riverside, told a Chicago Tribune reporter. "It's definitely not money."

this pretty much sums it up. being happy is about being closely connected to people. another reminder that putting relationships first always makes sense.

of course we all have to make a living. but approaching that undertaking from the perspective that relationships come first, and success isn't financial in nature can help us to create what we really want - jobs that we like and work we feel good about.

what would it mean for you to put relationships first?

how would you conceive of your success differently if it were based on your close connections to people rather than your annual income?

as always i'd love to hear your thoughts and musings, post them here!

dream big,
-kirsten

imaginary board of directors

2005-08-24T05:47:00.000-07:00

i was reading jodee bock's blog - you already know this stuff and was turned on to what i think is a great idea - creating your own imaginary board of directors. jodee borrowed the idea from the idea sandbox blog and they borrowed it from michael michalko's thinkertoys. gotta love how good information gets around!

here's how they explained the idea over at idea sandbox:

This board may consist of any person you admire most, living or dead. The instructions Michael Michalko offers in Thinkertoys to form and use this board are as follows:

-Select three to five movers and shakers, living or dead, whom you admire most.
-Get photographs of your Board and pin them up to constantly remind you of the talent at your disposal.
-Research your heroes. Read everything about your heroes that you can get your hands on.
-Take notes on your favorite passages. Pay particular attention to the creative techniques they employed to solve problems.
-When you have a challenge, consult the members of your board and imagine how they would solve it.

i absolutely love this idea. it reminds us that we get to rely on those who have gone before us and it helps us remember that we get to have a team.

i'd encourage you to take it a step further than michalko suggests and if your board members are living get in touch with them. why not? write to them and tell them why you admire them, tell them a little about yourself, and how they have had an impact on you. anyone would love to get a letter or email like that. so go for it! you never know you just might find yourself making a connection that pushes your board from imaginary to real.

i haven't had a chance to think through who all of my board members would be, but i've included a list of the few i am certain of.

here's my initial list:
ani difranco - because she's passionately herself, amazingly brilliant and gutsy as hell.
johann wolfgang von goethe - because he was a brilliant thinker who believed fully in the power of intention and the responsibility we have to make the world the way we believe it should be.
barbara kingsolver - a woman who tells both the most beautiful and the most politically compelling stories that i have ever read. and damn does she have some integrity.
paul wellstone - a fierce defender of the rights of all people, a true politician in all of the best ways, and a fellow lover of minnesota.

i'd love to hear who you want to sit on your board, feel free to post your list here!

dream big,
-kirsten

take time for your life

2005-08-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

last week in one of my posts i referenced a book i've been reading as part of a book group - it's called take time for your life and is by cheryl richardson. as i was writing the post, i thought of cheryl's seven "key points" which are the main message of the book. each of them has led to a ton of learning for me, and i decided they were definitely worth sharing here.

this is of course just a list, reading the book offers a much more in depth exploration of each of these ideas - and as cheryl suggests doing it with a group can have an even greater impact:

#1 - Learn to practice "extreme self care", put yourself at the top of the list and everyone else will benefit.

#2 - Get your priorities straight - if your schedule doesn't reflect your priorities, stop reacting to life and take control of what gets your time and attention.

#3 - Identify the things that drain you and eliminate them - people, places and things, once and for all.

#4 - Invest in your financial health - if you feel trapped by money, investing in your financial health will stop making you feel like a victim.

#5 - Kick the adrenaline habit - Identify the things that fuel you and discover new, healthy sources of energy.

#6 - Build community - learn how to surround yourself with high quality relationships that support, challenge and encourage you to be your best.

#7 - Honor your spiritual well-being - don't let life get in the way of you connecting to your inner wisdom and creating a personal practice.

what speaks to you on this list?

where do you need to take more time for your life?

as always i'd love to hear, feel free to post your thoughts and comments!

dream big, -kirsten

what feeds you?

2005-08-19T08:21:00.000-07:00

it's not an accident when our lives go well. on the contrary, our lives go well when we are well fed - on all levels - physcially, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, etc.

i've mentioned before that i am part of a book group that is reading the book take time for your life by cheryl richardson. the book has got some great thinking in it about ways to live bigger, fuller lives. one key point that richardson makes is that in order to live big we've got to fuel up. she has a wide range of suggestions for how to do that, and she encourages readers to come up with their own.

last week sometime i noticed that i was feeling rather uninspired. i wasn't unhappy or upset - but i wasn't great either. i'd taken on some extra hours at work and i assumed right away that that was the reason. i'm working too much. when i had a long weekend off and was still feeling the same way at the end of it i decided to explore the situation a bit further.

i took mental note of when this shift had occurred - when had i stopped feeling inspired by and excited about life? and then i reviewed the things that i was doing back when i was feeling inspired. i fairly quickly realized that there was a simple explanation for my feeling blah - i'd stopped feeding myself amply. my yoga practice had become inconsistent, i wasn't reading a novel and i hadn't spent any time in nature recently...aha!

doing what feeds us is worth making the time for. in fact it makes everything else we do more efficient and productive, because we can be more present and inspired while doing it.

what feeds you?

here's a sampling of my 'kirsten is well-fed when' list:
-i am in touch with and feel connected to the people i love
-i am reading a good novel
-i am writing and being creative
-i spend time being in and appreciating nature
-i'm having sweet connections & good sex with my partner
-i do yoga at least 2x per week
-i keep sacred time for myself and meditate regularly
-i go 'out on the town' and am around people

so what's on your list? think about the times when you feel most alive, when you can't stop the flow of creative juices...what are you spending your time doing during those periods? chances are it's no accident when your inspiration and creativity show up, it's simply when you are well fed.

as always share, share, share...i'd love to hear more ideas you have for ways to fuel yourself or any other thoughts on being well fed!

dream big,
-kirsten

future snapshots

2005-08-18T06:16:00.000-07:00

someone asked me recently what i want my life to look like a year from now. wow, great question, i thought. i was a bit surprised to find i didn't have an immediate answer. you'd think with all the thinking i do about following one's dreams i would have had a quick come back - but i didn't. i realized that while i have a whole list of things i want to have in my life, things i am working towards, i haven't put a timeframe on almost any of them.

part of this can certainly be attributed to that fact that i am a big proponent of living the questions and letting the universe unfold as it will, but there is something to be said for creating a picture in your mind of what you want your life to look like say 3 months from now. imagining yourself in a time months from now is a vivid process. like a snapshot of the future, we can picture our lives complete with the new and evolving parts we are hoping to attain.

i've made a commitment to try it. to create a vivid picture in my mind of what i want my life to look like. to consider who will be in it, what i will be doing and how i will feel. to imagine where i will live, what i will be celebrating and what will be on my horizon.

ask yourself, as i'll be asking myself:
-what do you want your life to look like in 6 months?
-what do you want your life look like in a year?
-what do you want your life to look like in 5 years?

as always, i'd love to hear about the images you create.

dream big,
-kirsten

thinking big

2005-08-17T02:51:00.000-07:00

i've written before about the importance of thinking big about our lives and what we want. we are all meant to be amazing, bigger than we can imagine. our brains are hard wired to think super big - if we give them the space to do so.

but thinking big definitely falls into the easier said than done category.

which is why i was excited to come across curt rosengren's recent post on a great site by a guy named michael port. he calls it the think big revolution. it's always affirming to come across other big thinkers and michael has included some brilliant big thinking ideas in his manifesto:

1. Have A Mad Passionate Love Affair With Yourself
2. Stop Seeking Validation From Others
3. Embrace The Power Of Intention
4. Always Act On Your Intuition
5. Feed Your Body, Mind and Spirit
6. Make Big, Bold Promises
7. Take Action Now
8. Design Environments For Bold Self-Expression
9. Think BIG With Others
10. Choose Your Teachers Wisely

this is a powerful list. just think what an impact doing even three or four of these things consistently would have.

what's your next step in think bigger about your life?

dream big,
-kirsten

order up

2005-08-15T20:35:00.000-07:00

last night i had the pleasure of attending a send off for a good friend of mine who is heading off to college. her mom organized this amazing evening for her, where a bunch of people in her community got to come together to love her up and cheer her on as she departs.

her mom, a super smart woman, decided that the evening would go better if the focus of the gathering wasn't on how badly all of us are going to miss my friend. i'm sure we've all been to going away parties that are a total downer because they end up having this very focus. instead her mom had us focus on all of us going out and creating the life we want - just as my friend is doing in heading to school. it was brilliant.

she offered a great analogy for us to consider in thinking about doing this creating. she suggested we treat thinking about our goals for our lives like putting in an order at a restaraunt. ask for exactly what you want - and expect that it will be delivered.

as we went around the room talking about what we wanted, she corrected each of us if we used any language like 'i'm hoping for' or even 'i want' - the correct statement is 'i'm having', just like you'd say if someone asked what you'd ordered for lunch.

the universe may not ask aloud 'what can i get you?' but if you let it know what you want, you may just find your order up.

what's on your order for your life? as always i'd love to hear what you are having!

dream big,
-kirsten

no assumptions

2005-08-10T15:35:00.000-07:00

ever walk into a situation and say to yourself..."here we go again." you are certain what is about to happen - and all the assumptions fall into place in your brain like a row of dominos. we do it so often i think we are largely unaware of it. we assume that certain experiences will feel a certain way or that our interactions with certain people will always have a certain outcome. we are constantly making assumptions about how things will go from one moment to the next.

of course, some of these assumptions are useful. our brains create a database of conclusions based on past experiences in order to reduce the amount of brain power that has to be exerted in repeat situations. assuming that if you put your hand on a hot iron you will get burned is probably a safe bet. assuming that if you step out into oncoming traffic you may get hit, also probably a good conclusion. but laws of the physical universe aside, the rest of life is largely flexible and ever-changing and our assumptions about how it will go limit us incredibly.

we as human beings are amazing problem solvers. many have argued that solving problems is to humans what herding sheep is to sheep dogs or spinning silk is to silk worms - it is what we were designed to do. assumptions clog up our problem solving abilities in a serious way. when we assume that a situation will unfold just as similar situations have in the past we remove our present time flexible intelligence from that situation. we lose all ability to think creatively about how to respond because we've already concluded what is going to happen.

in reality, every situation is brand new. even if the same people gather at the same time each day in the same place and do the same activity it will always be new. how could it not be? there will be new ideas in our brains, new growth in our physical bodies, and new weather happening in the world around us among a million other new things taking place - and as a result new opportunities to take hold of.

life is full of surprising twists and turns. by deciding not to make assumptions we open ourselves up the world as it truly is: ever-changing and full of possibility. we open ourselves up to being the brilliant problem solvers we are, to our creativity and our flexibility. moreover, setting aside our assumptions is ulitimately what allows us to grow and change and to make our lives what we want them to be.

when do you find yourself making assumptions?

how would your life be different if you decided to set your assumptions aside and just experience life as it happens?

as always post your own thoughts & findings - i'd love to hear!

dream big,
-kirsten

singletasking

2005-08-08T18:55:00.000-07:00

i've been having a marvelous summer, it's been relaxing, playful and has had the feeling of being like one long vacation. that's not to say that i haven't been doing a lot. i have, but i've been making a concerted effort to do it differently. one of the key things i've been doing differently is to focus on what a friend of mine recently referred to as singletasking.

that's right singletasking the antithesis of multitasking - to do only one thing at a time. in many ways i think making a decision to do just one thing at a time is a revolution in our current culture. we are so pushed to multitask, to do everything in combination with something else, that we rarely have the opportunity to experience what it's like to just revel in doing one thing only.

as an article in the pittsburgh post-gazette discussed today, people are feeling more and more pressure to multitask:

"It seems like the world is so fast-paced that if you don't multitask, you fall behind," said Michael Cooney, 27, a bank employee from Forest Hills who watches TV while paying bills, works on a computer while on the phone and eats dinner reading. "I seem to make it through life OK that way."

the article goes on to say:

Some people's jobs require mental juggling, but so many of us multitask when we don't have to. It's just too compelling.
David Levy, a professor in the information school at the University of Washington, says the rush of information and the speed it has fueled was addictive: "We jump on our cell phones when they ring. And why am I checking my e-mail all the time? Because there could be something wonderful. These things point to very deep-rooted needs in us."
But at what cost? he asks: "It seems we're losing the capacity for that slow, concentrated attending to things."

slowing down enough to do just one thing at a time opens us up to a whole new way of being in the world. we are able to fully take in what is happening around us and inside of us. after all, when was the last time you had a burst of inspiration while you were eating dinner, paying your bills and talking to your mom on the phone simultaneously - highly unlikely to say the least.

how would your life be different if you decided to focus on singletasking?

try it out - even for one day. and as always feel free to post your reflections on the experience here.

dream big,
-kirsten

life = building

2005-08-05T13:10:00.000-07:00

as a twentysomething i often get the feeling that i must be behind the curve, that i really should have it figured out by now, that i should be done creating and should have my life all in place - nice, neat and complete. this impatience with myself, as you might guess, usually yields little in the way of forward movement. recently, however i've developed a little mantra which has been helping to disarm the encroaching feelings of inadequacy: life = building.

that's right, you will spend your entire life building your life. in our culture of quick fixes, ultimate convenience and ever speedier everything, the idea of spending your entire life building something sounds absurd. no one does anything for their entire life. that is except live. and living is all about building. we are constantly building - our selves, our community, our career. life is like one big construction project, always in a state of assembly.

it's a great metaphor actually, life as a building project.

it can help us to keep in mind the following:
- you can't do it alone: you know the term 'construction crew' - we all get to have one in building the life we want.
- new materials are always needed: whether it's the 2x4s or the sheetrock - or in the case of life the wild adventures and new friendships.
-it's messy: i don't know about you but i've never visited a 'clean' construction site - life is much the same rarely tidy and usually thriving amidst the mess
-there are a million parts: constructing a building is a complex process from pouring cement all the way to wiring in light fixtures - life too is a multi-faceted endeavor with each part evolving at its own pace

i could go on, but you get the point. life is all about building. it's not a neat & tidy process with a firm completion date to look forward to - it's a messy, ever evolving project of weaving together what we want and making it work.

what does life = building mean to you?

and what might you do differently if you let yourself just build rather than trying to figure it out?

as always, post a comment i'd love to hear your thoughts.

dream big,
-kirsten

make a wish...

2005-08-03T20:23:00.000-07:00

for the last six months or so i've been part of a great book group a friend of mine started to read the book take time for your life by cheryl richardson. while i must admit, as do all the members of my group, that the book is at times totally cheesy - it's also got a lot of great perspectives and ideas.

one that i've recently found intriguing is to as richardson calls it "make a wish list." as she says:

For decades, hundreds of books have been written about the power of thought to create physical reality. Thought becomes intention, this intention has power, and when you put this intention out into the world, your life starts to change - sometimes dramatically.

richardson goes on to encourage readers to make a list of three things they would most like to attract into their life. be specific she advises, and if what you really want is free rent, or $5,000 plus dollars - say so.

as a big believer in the power of intention i think this is a great exercise. in fact, i've got my wish list posted in the inside cover of my planner as we speak. so try it out, make your list, be specific and then post it somewhere you will see it often. remind yourself and the universe on a regular basis what is you intend to attract into your life. and keep me posted on the results!

dream big, -kirsten

celebrating our successes

2005-08-02T15:21:00.000-07:00

my youngest brother, who is 19, returned home sunday night from a 45 day road trip. those of you who read my blog regularly may remember that i accompanied him on the first 10 days of the trip, which were amazing. well the adventure continued on all the way down the west coast, up the rocky mountains and back to minnesota.

this was an amazing trip, and it meant a lot to my brother. it was a trip that my brother has been planning and saving for for over a year. a trip that was in many ways a celebration of getting through a very tough period in his life and a chance to spend some time having a ton of fun before heading off to college. and he did it. not only did he return home sunday night, he did so having incurred no personal or vehicle damage and having received no speeding tickets. this trip was a complete success!

as such, i'm currently scheming a way to celebrate with him. i'm extremely proud of him for taking the trip and for seeing to it that it went as well as it did. so i plan to make some noise about this big success.

i think it's vital that we do this, that we help each other to remember to celebrate our successes. so often in life we accomplish something and move right on to the next thing on our list without taking the time to really notice what we've just done.

life can become mundane and overwhelming if we go through it accomplishing big things and never taking the time to properly acknowledge their completion. and it can be hard to keep wanting to head for the next goal if there is no celebration at the end to look forward to.

celebrating doesn't have to take any particular form, maybe it's calling someone up and congratulating them, or perhaps making them a great meal and chatting about their success over dinner, or maybe it's just sending a simple email. however you do it take the time to make note of success when you see it - big or small.

so take a look around, at your life and the lives of those you love, what do you have to celebrate?

dream big,
-kirsten

the stories we tell ourselves

2005-07-29T05:16:00.000-07:00

i've found that often times even when life is going quite well and all signs point to us making smart decisions, living big and being loved by lots of great people - we continue to get hung up on 'our faults.'

we let these 'faults' get in our way of noticing how good things really are - they distract us terribly. and i'm a firm believer that most of these 'faults' aren't real. nope, they are just a hold over from the stories we've been telling about ourselves for far too long.

you know ever since you tripped walking to the bus in 2nd grade the story you've been telling is that you are a klutz, nevermind the fact that you are now a skilled salsa dancer. or maybe you always tell everyone you're shy usually just before you introduce them to each other at another great party you are hosting. my point is our stories about ourselves often haven't caught up with our current reality.

one of my age old stories is that i'm a horrible singer. my family used to tease me incessantly about my singing voice "you're going to break a window kirsten!" - needless to say i was fairly convinced it was bad. but a couple years ago i began to occassionally get up the courage to bring it out in public and sing a little, whenever i did people complimented me on it! talk about debunking the myth. these days, i love to sing, in public or not. the true story - i've got a great singing voice.

curt over at the occupational adventure had a great post on how our stories can get in the way of us moving forward, which suggests trying the following:

A critical step in coping with a hanging future is to become aware of our life story and the myths that have governed our life thus far, including an awareness of the unwitting assumptions and unconsciously determined habits involved.

It suggests the following approach:
Answer the old question, "Who am I?" Give 10 answers. And, "What would I like to be that I'm not?" Give 10 answers. And, "What would I not want to be?" Give 10 answers. These answers reflect many of the hoped for (hero) and the dreaded (villain) stories in your culture, your family and your life.

the full post goes on to suggest six other storytelling methods for moving beyond our old and outdated ideas about ourselves. swapping life stories with friends is a great way to start revealing some of the misinformed ideas we have about who we are. our friends know us, and often times they are more aware of the assumptions we make than we are.

so sit your friends down and share life stories, you'd be amazed what you don't know about your closest friends - or about yourself. plus a life story takes a while to tell, so it's the perfect excuse for a sleepover!

and then start telling new stories, the ones that are really true. as always, i'd love to hear them!

dream big, - kirsten

simple actions - big impact

2005-07-27T05:00:00.000-07:00

thanks to troy over at orbit now for sharing the link to this great project. the you are beautiful project is a brilliant endeavor to weave a message of truth into the world of advertising which surrounds us as we walk down the street. as they say in their statement:

The reasons why street artists are doing what they are doing, in the way that they are doing it, is not simply to question their surroundings; but to provide alternative perspectives, meanings, or values to those of consumerism.

i am always inspired by the impact you can have by such a simple action as putting a sticker up on a wall. while i haven't seen one of the you are beautiful stickers, i had my own personal encounter with the message you are beautiful when i was at a conference last summer - who knows if it's related to this project or not. here's what i saw:

it made me stop in my tracks. wow, i thought, what a fabulous message to put on a wall. i took out my camera and snapped this picture. and i have thought of the picture many times since. the person who wrote this message, i'm fairly certain had no idea that it would travel this far, and that they would have an impact on everyone who reads this.

take a moment to consider the impact you have had through simple actions and acknowledge yourself for the difference you have made.

you never know how far your actions may travel or how big your impact may be.

dream big, -kirsten

honoring your ideas

2005-07-25T09:15:00.000-07:00

i have tons of ideas. i don't know about you, but for me new ideas about things i could do, want to create, or would love to try pop into my head constantly. usually, on their first appearance in my brain my ideas seem ridiculous to me.

as such, i was thrilled for the inspiration from hanna's post today. she had a link to a website which contained this quote by albert einstein:

if at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no
hope for it.

wow! what if we used this as the test for our ideas - seems absurd, must be a good one!

the other test i'm finding useful these days is based on an idea's recurrence. i find that ideas that are meant to be brought to life keep returning to my brain. they find their way back through strange associations, perfect moments of serendipity or they show up in my dreams. when they return i have a great feeling of familiar excitement.

there is something about honoring our ideas, even the ones we have no intention of over making a reality, that i think is important. each of us brings something completely unique to the world and as such our ideas are unlike anyone else's. moreover, ideas combine the best of our brilliance - our creativity, curiosity and passion.

so my proposal: start a list. it doesn't have to be formal or even consistent. but when you've got a good idea, write it down. my idea list, which i started a few months back, is really fun to read over. i don't always remember to write stuff down, and my lists don't consistently end up in the same notebook, but when i sit down and read over the list i am instantly inspired and energized - by my own creativity.

got an absurd idea you feel like sharing, i'd love to hear!

dream big,
-kirsten

you know exactly what to do

2005-07-22T14:43:00.000-07:00

i was having a conversation with a friend recently about trying to give another friend a hand with some struggles she was having. "i just don't know what to do" i kept saying. his response, "bullshit - you know exactly what to do." this jarred me a bit to say the least, but it also got me thinking. maybe i do know exactly what to do.

for the next five minutes he listened while i ran through all the ideas i'd had about helping this friend out. i thought through and came to the conclusion that some made sense and others didn't. and by the end of it, amazingly enough, i did know exactly what to do. in fact i had three action steps i was ready to take.

this experience really opened my eyes about the reality of what we know. that is, i think we know a ton more than we give ourselves credit for. ever have this experience: an idea floats into your mind, within seconds your inner censors and critics go to work on it and before half a minute has passed you've thrown it out as no good. we do it all the time.

but what if we made the opposite assumption. what if we assumed that not only were our ideas good, but that when faced with a challenge we actually do know exactly what to do.

now i'm not saying that we are all experts on all things. in fact sometimes knowing exactly what to do means that you know you need to consult the experts, but the point is you are actually smart, capable and a brilliant problem solver. we all are. we couldn't make it through a single day of our lives without solving hundreds of problems, from big to small.

so consider turning off the inner critics and trusting your ideas. if they need polishing, ask a friend or colleague to listen while you consider them.

just think what you might be able to accomplish if you decided that you do know exactly what to do.

dream big,
-kirsten

no shortcuts

2005-07-20T14:02:00.000-07:00

i subscribe to a great service from thinkexist.com where each day a quotation arrives in my inbox selected from their huge database of quotes. i got this one last week:

there are no shortcuts to any place worth going.
-beverly sills

my first two thoughts upon reading it: how true...and...what a bummer. lately the winding and bumpy road of my life has left me wishing for shortcuts at times. but when i stop to consider what taking a shortcut truly might mean, i am pleased to be traveling the path in it's entirety - just think what we might miss out on if shortcuts were allowed.

i'm thinking of those opportune, unexpected or just plain beautiful moments that happen along life's path. i had one yesterday when my bike tire went flat for the third time in a week. my partner and step daughter biked the rest of the way home and came back to pick me up in our pickup truck. while they were gone i successfully took my bike tire off and located the source of the problem with no assistance! it was a rare opportunity to really tackle a bike fix-it on my own, and i was quite pleased with myself at the end of it.

this may be a simple example, but i think it's representative of a larger phenonmenon. after all life is lived in the details, and much of what we learn happens not upon our big breakthroughs but on the sometimes tedious path towards them.

what have you learned lately on one of life's many detours or traffic jams?

when have you benefited from taking the long route rather than attempting the shortcut?

dream big, -kirsten

failure: hooray!

2005-07-18T12:17:00.000-07:00

what if every time you failed you said in a big, bold voice "ta-da" and then proceeded to take a bow? this was the attitude we were asked to try on while i was in coaching school at the coaches training institute. while it was a struggle at first, as soon as i embraced this concept i understood what the exercise was intended to reveal - failure is full of lessons.

in fact, 'failing' or what we perceive as failing can often be exactly what we need to have happen in order for us to take the next step, change directions, or simply realize we have set unrealistic expectations for ourselves.

all of that said, hanging onto this attitude can be challenging to say the least. and it's not common to come across people who are really living this attitude. so i wanted to share a recent example that i've found tremendously inspiring.

one of my closest friends recently embarked on a big adventure - canoeing 2,200 miles from minneapolis, mn to hudson bay in canada. aptly named hudson bay expedition 2005 the trip is based on a similar expedition taken 75 years ago by two young boys one of whom later wrote the book canoeing with the cree. my friend scott and his expedition partner todd worked for nearly two years planning the trip. they made a decision to take themselves and following their dream seriously - they secured sponsors, gave talks at local schools, developed an amazing website and after a fabulous launch party set out in their canoe.

two months into the expedition, because of an injury, todd had to make a decision to leave the river. todd shared his thoughts and feelings about this incredibly difficult decision in one of their regular journal entries. he says:

The decision to come off the water was one of the hardest
decision’s I have had to make in my life. I have spent two years of my life planning and working on the expedition. Spending hundreds if not thousands of hours of work, raising money, securing sponsors, fine tuning gear lists, packing food. It has been a lot of work and to fall short of my goal of reaching York Factory is a disappointment, but if I had to do it all over again, I would. I would not think twice about it. I have enjoyed every minute of this expedition and I have learned and experienced things that I am grateful for.

todd then goes on to list all of the things he is grateful for from this experience. and he ends the journal entry with this statement:

I encourage every one to dream big, and to go after your dreams. Although you may not achieve every goal you set out for yourself, there is a great satisfaction that comes with doing your best and giving it your all.

many people would have viewed this turn of events as a failure, a shortcoming to regret or even be ashamed of. but instead of wallowing in feelings of failure, todd takes an attitude of gratitude. he not only is thankful for all that he did experience, he is confident that it was worth the risk. he takes his bow proudly, knowing he did his best.

what have you 'failed' at recently?

what have you learned from failing?

i'd love to hear how failing has moved your life forward, as always feel free to share!

dream big, -kirsten

do what you love

2005-07-13T05:25:00.000-07:00

the universe seems to be on a roll - sending me messages that all point to this same theme of holding out for doing what you love and pushing the rest aside.

today, a friend sent me a copy of a commencement speech steve jobs gave last month at stanford university's graduation ceremony. it's a great speech, you can read it in it's entirety here. the part that resonated with me the most was the following:

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

what a powerful yet simple way of evaluating what we truly want to be doing with our lives. if today were your last day, wouldn't it be worth the struggle to do what you really love?

one of the things i think we get to decide to push aside in our quest to go after our dreams is discouragement. doing what we love involves not only reminding ourselves that it's worth it, but often doing so for those around us as well. the level of discouragement in our culture about getting to do what you love is pretty high, in fact it's unbelievably high. and yet, people do it all the time. i'm certain you can think of examples from your own life of people who have held out for something they truly wanted - and gotten it.

so don't be surprised if you run into some discouragement, if people tell you your crazy or warn you against being naive. try asking them in response what they would do if they decided to full out for their dreams. decide now that you will not let their discouragement, or your own, prevent you from doing what you love.

a key step in pushing aside discouragement is seeking out people who will encourage you. i got the advice a couple of years ago to surround myself with a group of 'hopeful, helpful cheerleaders'. i have used this as a guide in thinking about who i pull in close and choose to spend my time with - and it's worked. having people around me who are hopeful about following their dreams and will relentlessly encourage me to follow mine has been and i'm certain will continue to be essential.

who are your cheerleaders? do you need to recruit more?

none of us can remain hopeful all the time. but deciding that discouragement will come, and if you go for what you love it certainly will, and that you are not going to let it deter you is a powerful step in the direction of your dreams.

dream big,
-kirsten

weeding out what's important

2005-07-12T14:39:00.000-07:00

this adventure that i am on of following my dreams and helping others to do the same has been leading me down varied paths of late. i often feel as though i'm heading in twelve different directions. this feeling of exploration can be invigorating at times, and downright overwhelming at others. i'm certain most of you can relate, whether you're looking for a new job, working to build community or simply deciding where to go on vacation it's easy to end up with too many options clogging up our efforts to head towards what we want.

while reading a great blog called making a difference today, i was reminded of the benefits of narrowing our focus. using her garden as an analogy hanna has this to say:

Weeding around the peonies I transplanted last summer, carefully choosing what plants to keep and what plants to pull, I opened up space and light for the peonies to grow. After an initial pass through, I noticed I had overlooked some weeds - smaller, shorter ones, as well as other weeds that were growing too close to distinguish them from the peony stems. Some of the peonies - having grown since last summer - are now too close to each other, and probably need to be moved, to allow optimal growth and flowering for next year.

And so as I went along, I found that these simple tasks called forth some important analogies for me about how we each do our work to make a difference. (And I'm not the only one thinking about gardening analogies recently... see here)

We have to choose where we put our efforts - what, when,how much, with whom. We have to choose what we want to grow and what we need to let go of. We have to know how best to nourish what's important. We need to know what we're looking for, and how we'll know it when we'll see it. We have to able to see how our work now will impact what we want to have happen in the future.

hanna' post is a great reminder that weeding out what's important and what's not can help our highest goals to flourish.

what options, distractions, or even outdated goals need to be weeded from the garden plot of your life?

what would a good weeding allow to thrive?

dream big,
-kirsten

what is your art?

2005-07-11T12:05:00.000-07:00

i recently came across this pablo picasso quote:

every child is an artist. the problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.

in many ways this quote sums up why i work with people in their twenties. because i want us all to hold onto our art. i want that for everyone, but i think we as young adults have an opportunity to never let it leave us completely - to avoid having to regain it and instead retain it.

and when i read this quote i don't read 'art' as meaning only pen and paper or canvass and brush. perhaps your art is making people laugh, or writing poetry or face painting. our art is us. and more specifically it's the creative, alive part of us that often doesn't equate to value in the job market. the parts of us that our friends love us for and we often don't show enough of for fear of embarrassment.

while i have no simple solution to picasso's dilemma, i do have a suggestion: risk it.

next time you get together with friends and you think to yourself it sure would be fun to stage a play, fingerpaint, or go play in the rain - risk it...ask your friends to join you in your creative silliness and see what happens! i won't promise they'll say yes every time, but i will assure you you'll get more confident each time you ask and soon enough you'll find someone to join you in your adventures.

as always, send me your stories of art and adventure!

dream big,
-kirsten

choosing courage in a culture of fear

2005-07-07T15:09:00.000-07:00

i've just begun reading a book called you have the power: choosing courage in a culture of fear by frances moore lappe and jeffrey perkins. i happened upon this book months ago after reading an article about it in yes! magazine. i've been meaning to pick up a copy ever since and just finally got around to tracking one down and beginning to read it. as soon as i began reading it felt like i had finally picked the book up at the exact right moment.

then a series of bombs went off in london, and it felt even more exact. as the news of the bombings saturated the news media today it seemed impossible to escape the escalating sense of fear permeating the airwaves. as terror alerts were raised and that good ole sense of impending doom was revamped once again my mind turned to down a cynical spiral of thoughts. but only for a moment because then i thought of the book.

i remembered the key points they make in the opening chapter about how fear is used in our culture, why we are all so afraid and what the reality is. i won't cover all of it here, you'll have to read the book to get the full message, but the main point that i found solace in today is that as humans we we're designed to cooperate.

as they state in the book:

Researchers at Emory University in Atlanta used MRI scans
to detect brain responses [during]...the well-known Prisoner's Dilemma game - used to explore cooperation and conflict in groups and often to prove how self interested we are - the researchers found that the brightest signals arose when subjects were cooperating. These responses, said the scientists, suggest "that we're wired to cooperate with each other."

this is a refreshing perspective to hold as we consider the dilemma of violence in our world. we are meant to cooperate. rather than letting our minds turn to thoughts of frustration, meaninglessness and numbness, which are so easy to succumb to when confronted with such violence, we can choose another set of thoughts. thoughts that remind us that not only are we designed to cooperate but that change is possible. that violence is not inevitable and each of us can have an impact.

if you decided to ignore any thoughts of hopelessness and choose courage over fear what might you decide to do to make an impact in the world?

as always, i'd love to hear.

dream big,
-kirsten

the invitation

2005-07-06T05:07:00.000-07:00

the poem below has called me forth again and again. it has roused me to action, pulled me towards my biggest self, and inspired me to be true to that self. as such, i wanted to share it with you.

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

-Oriah Mountain Dreamer

oriah has also written a brilliant book based on the poem which is also called the invitation. it delves even deeper into the poem and will challenge you personally to accept the invitation. i highly recommend it.

dream big, -kirsten

noticing what is

2005-07-01T11:17:00.000-07:00

i know that i am not alone in asking the question 'what is the impact i want to make on the world?' it's an age old question in many ways. why are we here? a question humans have been pondering for centuries.

lately, i have been pondering this question quite frequently. asking myself what is the overall impact, the big difference i want to make? asking has lead me down many tricky trails of thought often ending in what feel like impossible decisions between one thing or another.

yesterday morning, as i sat looking out over the mississippi river once again going over this question in my mind it occured to me that perhaps i was asking the wrong question. what, i wondered, would be different if i instead asked 'what is the impact i am currently making on the world?'

what if instead of trying to see into the future, i took notice of what is right now. what impact am i making right now, in my life as i live it today?

this shift in thought seems to allow us to come from a place that is much more reality based. rather than inspiring feelings of self-doubt and impossibility, it reminds us not only that we are capable but that we are already succeeding at making an impact.

while the impact you are making today may not have reached the full potential to which you aspire, it is nonetheless an impact currently being made by you. maybe you made a great birthday cake for your best friend last week, or you just got a great review on a project you did at work, take some time to inventory your impact.

what difference do you make to the people around you? what impact does your work have on the world? what effect has your initiative had?

a leader who i greatly respect once said that if something around you is going well you should take credit for it. you have to, he said, because you can't prove you didn't cause it to go well. consider the things around you that are going well, and take some credit.

taking on this perspective has given me a much clearer vantage point from which to view the impact i want to make in the future. one where i can remember that even if i don't ascend with glory to the greatest of heights i will have made a difference in many ways in many peoples lives.

i'd love to hear your impact inventory, as always feel free to share!

dream big,
-kirsten

this moment is your life

2005-06-30T05:42:00.000-07:00

i just returned from an amazing trip from minnesota to washington state. it was magnificent. the beauty i saw is still seeping it's way into my veins and filling me with awe. while seeing all that i did was part of what made the trip amazing, it was made magnificent by my decision to really be present and and to fully experience everything.

coming home and returning to 'normal' life has been interesting. i've been missing the forests and the mountains. missing being on the trip. i've also been really cherishing being home. remembering all the good things about the life i have built for myself. as i was reflecting on these two distinct feelings this morning it occured to me that there is some 'thing' that i think i cannot experience unless i am traveling - some 'thing' that i've told myself is unavailable to me at home.

as i thought more about it i realized it's not exactly one thing, it's more a perspective. a relaxed, adventurous, awe-filled outlook on life. and i realized that if i can feel this on vacation, then i'm settling by not feeling it at home. i'm at home the majority of the time, and i love the experiences i have when i come from this perspective, so why not adopt it all the time?

a very wise friend once said to me in a conversation about life and how to make it what i wanted, "this is your life, kirsten. the things you did since you got up this morning, the places you'll go later today, this is it. this is your life." it has stuck with me ever since, that simple statement: this is your life. today, right now, this is it.

so i'm deciding to stop reserving my vacation perspective for traveling. i am choosing to be present, go for adventure and soak up the beauty and awe all around me - all the time.

what perspective or outlook do you reserve for 'special occassions'? what have you told yourself isn't possible in amidst the day to day grind? what if it was? what if you decided to make it happen? this is your life. start today.

dream big,
-kirsten

learning to be

2005-06-17T05:48:00.000-07:00

tomorrow morning i leave on a 10 day road trip with my mom, brother and my brother's girlfriend. i am thrilled. i love road trips more than most things, and this one will take us to some amazing places!

even more than the destinations though, i am thrilled with preparation for this trip. my mom and i are accompanying my brother and his girlfriend on the first 10 days of what will be in total a 45 day trek. as such, my brother did all the planning, all the reservation making, all the distance calculating - and as official family trip planner for the last 6 years i cannot tell you how amazing it has been for me to just let him take charge. i am so excited to be on a vacation where i am not the expedition leader.

this freedom has given me a chance to think in preparation about what i want out of the trip - why is that i'm going? i think it's a great question to ask ourselves in preparation for any event...a trip to the local pub or our annual review with our boss, but vacations are especially important time to review our expectations (in fact i know a coaching team that works specifically on designing vacations that work). because if we don't get our expectations out in the open for ourselves and our traveling companions up front, we will likely end up dissapointed or worse - really pissed off.

so my goal on this trip, to be. that simple. to be in the moment, whether that moment is in the car in middle of north dakota or climbing a mountain in olympic national park. i don't want to yearn for our arrival at our next destination or focus only on the summit of the mountain - i want to experience each moment fully.

i've realized lately that one of the big barriers to really being present and living each moment full out is trying to do 200 things in each moment. when we overcommit ourselves and end up running around all the time, we can't focus on the present moment because we feel like we are supposed to be in five places within that single moment.

so my mantra for my vacation - go slow and experience everything fully. if you are at all like me, i'd encourage you to try out this mantra or your own adaptation. give yourself permission to slow down and enjoy. say it to yourself through out the day, or write it on a post-it and put it somewhere you will read it regularly. while getting it all done often feels like the answer, in actuality choosing to be present is key to us really getting to live big.

hopefully my next post will come to you from an internet cafe in seattle, wa!

dream big,
-kirsten

tricky comparison

2005-06-13T14:34:00.000-07:00

ah comparison, it seems an innate human quality we are taught to do it from such a young age. i've been noticing lately when i first began comparing myself to others - judging them better or worse than me. i think it was definitely before i was a year old. noticing that i was bigger, or that adults thought i was cuter, these aren't crisp clear memories but some sense i have of an awareness that started that early on.

it's not surprising then that as we grow we find ourselves constantly comparing ourselves to others, or overhearing the comparisons of the adults around us and internalizing them. as young adults comparison can become a tricky sport and one that often leads us down the wrong roads for the wrong reasons.

it's so easy to look at our friends, relatives, people on tv, whoever is available and see what they have that we don't - a great partner, their own house, the right job, cute clothes...'it all together'. doing this comparing not only puts our focus on what we don't have rather than what we do...it's almost always based on our assumptions, which are more often than not just that - assumptions.

when we focus on comparison we often make decisions based on trying to impress others, or to achieve some happiness we perceive that those others have. which they often don't, and moreover if they do it's what makes them happy not what would make us happy. we sit envying our friends for their happy lives, while they sit envying us.

what if next time we found ourselves comparing, we stopped and took an inventory of what we are doing well. what we are pleased with about our lives. putting our focus on what do we have sets us up to go after the things we don't yet have. it puts our attention on our strengths and abilities rather than on what we are lacking.

i'd encourage you to make a list - 10 things in my life that i'm pleased with! hang it on your bedroom or office wall. give yourself a regular reminder. and when you find yourself comparing again reference the list, or make a whole new one!

dream big,
-kirsten

outlandish dreams

2005-06-09T12:39:00.000-07:00

a friend just sent me the link to this great website called the balloonhat experience.

the website is about two balloonhat experts who decided to travel around the world making balloon hats for people and taking their photos. it was an exploration in joy, as they say "the goal was to show people all over the world laughing and having fun, and to emphasize the fact that all human beings are born with the ability to experience joy." i highly reccommend you check it out, in particular the what is laughing portion of the site.

i love hearing stories like this. stories of people following their dreams, as outlandish as they might seem. deciding to do something and going for it - in spite of the lack of support or even discouragement of those around them. it's often hard for others to fully see the value of our vision, but choosing to trust our thinking and go for it can yield amazing results. in this case, it is bringing immense joy and beauty to the world.

so what's your outlandish dream? what is the world missing out on by you not going for it? as always, i'd love to hear.

dream big,
-kirsten

you are the foundation

2005-06-08T04:52:00.000-07:00

over the past few months, i feel like life has been leading me to learn some simple lessons through its cyclical process. i think ultimately this is how life teaches us, we learn something and it stays at the front of our minds for a period of time. then, inevitably, we forget it. and then the next turn of events brings it back to the forefront. this process repeats itself until finally we have internalized this knowledge fully, until it is a part of us.

the lesson that i have most recently been reminded of is that it is entirely logical and totally necessary for me to be at the center of my life. it seems obvious, after all who else is my life about if not me, but i've found that this proves a hard lesson to live. we have so many things to do in life, responsibilities to fulfill, dreams to follow, people to love, that it's easy to forget us. to forget why we are doing all of these things.

after leading a tremendously successful workshop in april of this year, i was keeping in the front of my mind the question "what do i want to get out of this?" each time i approached a situation, a project or even just an evening hanging out with friends, i'd ask myself this question. it yielded great results. but as the weeks passed the question slipped from my mind and the lessson lost its impact. until this week, during a coaching session working on some frustration i'd been feeling about my business i had the realization that i had become so focused on my goals i had lost track of myself. the aha hit me - i've forgotten the question, what do i want to get out of this?

on the surface this may sound like a selfish question, but i would argue that it's actually a generous one. asking myself this question as i was preparing for and leading my workshop allowed me to lead for me and thus bring more of myself and my brilliance to the group. asking yourself what you want out of a situation allows you to be more open, more real and brings more energy and creativity to whatever it is you are undertaking. by honoring yourself you are able to honor others.

putting ourselves at the center of our lives not only allows us to more fully enjoy our life, it is essential if we plan to accomplish our goals. because in everything we set out to accomplish, we are the foundation we are building on. and when we honor ourselves we ensure that this foundation is solid.

so check-in with yourself, what is that you want out of the experiences you have? ask yourself the question, what do i want to get out of this? and then go for it! as always, i'd love to hear what comes of it.

dream big,

kirsten

obstacles

2005-06-02T10:27:00.000-07:00

this morning i woke up feeling totally discouraged about the work i have set out to do in the world. while i felt confident that it was a passing funk, it got me thinking about what gets in our way as we go after our dreams.

i did a little browsing and came across this article on the top ten barriers to getting your dreams. it summed up perfectly where i was at, fearing the downward spiral into poverty while i compared myself with everyone around me and felt less and less capable and significant. yuck-a-roo!

after reading the article i glanced up at a quote i have hanging above my desk, which reads:

i have come to the frightening conclusion that i am the decisive element. it is my personal approach that creates the climate. it is my daily mood that makes the weather. i possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous.
-goethe

it's a hard reality to argue with, especially when you are feeling completely crap-o-la and know that if you were to shift your perspective your entire world would shift with it. so i'm slowly changing gears and shifting my point of view.

it won't be an immediate shift because there is a definite prerequisite of releasing some frustration, probably some screaming and crying about how hopeless it all feels. (which, by the way, i highly recommend as you move through your own big bad barriers. it's great to realize that your perspective doesn't reflect reality but if the feelings are there and you don't feel them now - they'll be back!)

once that's complete i'll head towards reality, and the knowledge that i will get my dreams - obstacles be damned!

dream big,
-kirsten

live the questions

2005-05-26T06:41:00.000-07:00

a year and a half ago when i began down this road i am on of building my big dream of helping people live big and follow their dreams i happened upon a poem. it was a ranier maria rilke poem that reads:

i beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. don't search for the answers, which could not be given you now, because you would not be able to live them. and the point is, to live everything. live the questions now. perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer...
-rainer maria rilke

it intrigued me. it was certainly not my perspective at that time on how to approach life, but i could see definite benefits to such a perspective - a reminder that we don't have to have it all figured out right now and the permission to explore and let things unfold. over the next few months i kept coming across the poem. each time it appealed to me more. so i got myself a copy of the poem and decided to make living the questions a goal for my life.

in the recent period, i keep having this feeling of coming full circle. of remembering my original intentions, ideas and goals for creating dream big and feeling like wow i am ending up where i wanted to be after all. although my path has gone this way and that veered off here and there i am moving towards a future that i believe will be exactly as it should be.

last night, i had a poignant experience of the universe unfolding, of this feeling of coming full circle, and was totally energized by it. i won't share the exact details but essentially one unlikely situation led to another situation which led to my being at a presentation that was exactly what i needed to hear next.

all of this fills me with excitement, not because i am nearing 'the answer' but because i'm discovering how fun living the questions can be.

try it out, this perspective of living the questions. i find it lets you off the hook in a certain way, relieves that need to "know it all" and it sure adds to the adventure! and as always, i'd love to hear about the questions your living, your explorations, and the unfolding of your life.

dream big,
-kirsten

workshop announcement

2005-05-23T08:56:00.000-07:00

got dreams?
check out a dream big workshop…

what do you really want:
get clear on what you want and how to get it

As twenty-somethings it’s not uncommon to have numerous people in our lives who seem to know exactly what we want and how we should go about getting it, trouble is we are not always one of those people.

This workshop will allow you take the time to slow down and think about what YOU want for your life. In fact, you will be asked the very question “what do you really want” over and over.
We’ll keep asking until you’ve got a clear sense of what it is you want, and then we’ll dive into laying out the steps to get there and how you can build a support network to make it all doable.

You will leave, quite literally, equipped with an action plan for following your dreams!

wednesday, june 1st
7-9pm
$15 – $30 sliding scale
patrick’s cabaret
3010 minnehaha ave s

minneapolis, mn 55406

pre-registration via email is appreciated:

kirsten@letsdreambig.com

building community

2005-05-22T15:49:00.000-07:00

as my "launch party" post stated, yesterday my two girlfriends and i had our grand opening celebration! it was a tremendous success and another reminder of my biggest goal of all - building community.

as i looked around the party there were many moments when i was pleased to see so many of the people that i love - my family, close friends and their friends and family - enjoying eachother and the chance to support us. it was a refreshing reminder that people are not actually as we often see them portrayed on screen and in stories selfish and self-absorbed. on the contrary, our party was evidence that most people are more than willing, in fact thrilled to have the chance to celebrate, support and encourage others.

to get to see our community around us, the people who have shaped us and helped us get to where we are today, supporting us as we each take the leap into business ownership was just what i needed. a reminder that we are far from alone and that help is waiting to be offerred if only we ask.

as i write these words i'm certain that some of you reading them are thinking, well that's great for her, but my life is nothing like that. my inquiry for you is - are you sure? when was the last time you asked for help, or offered your help to another in support of something they truly wanted. community doesn't just appear out of thin air, but i think it is around us more strongly than we can tell. and if it's not, build it. i know you can. seek out people who will support and encourage you and will allow you to do the same in return.

in this culture of individualism and constant praise of independence i am pleased to say that i live an interdependent life. one where the things i do are all done through the support and assistance of many people. and i consider myself totally blessed to be getting to take on this project - dream big - so that i can offer my support and encouragement to an ever broader crew of folks.

dream big,
-kirsten

launch party

2005-05-21T13:13:00.000-07:00

today myself and two of my girlfriends are launching our businesses with a big grand opening celebration!

it's been so fun to plan this event, a chance to build community and celebrate ourselves as women business owners! when i first had the idea of having a launch party i was thinking of doing it on my own, doing with my friends has not only made it more fun it's increased the potential to make new connections three fold. i love remembering that our goals are often easily aligned.

my goals of building community and launching my business should make for a great celebration today!

dream big,
-kirsten

interviewing for life

2005-05-02T14:20:00.000-07:00

this past weekend i had the opportunity to interview to be a life coach on MTV's show MADE. the experience was thrilling, energizing and ultimately a huge boost to my motivation for my project - and i didn't get the job.

shortly after finding out that i hadn't been chosen, i sent out an email thanking my crew of family and friends for all of their support during the process. here's what i wrote:

Hello to my fabulous community of loves and supporters!
I'm writing with the latest on the MTV gig...the short version of which is I did not get the job. Regardless of the outcome, this has been an amazing process and I want to thank each of you for your support and for cheering me on!

I wanted to share a few highlights of the process with you:
- This has been a huge jumpstart to my creative energy, my motivation and my remembering how capable I am of tackling big things.
-It has shown me how much fun building community can be, and how we really don't ever have to be alone in going after our dreams.
-I accomplished some big tasks in a short period of time, like updating my resume and getting professional photos taken. (Plus I got some super cute clothes!)

So thanks to each of you. It's lovely to notice that I couldn't have done this without all of you, I wouldn't want it any other way!
Dream big, -Kirsten

in response to this email many of my friends & family expressed their surprise at my positive outlook. as i've been reflecting on this over the past few days i've been thinking about the way in which we often live life in the future or the past, rather than in the present. in some ways it's like we are constantly interviewing for our lives rather than living them.

the MTV interview gave me the chance to enjoy the present fully, to take complete advantage of the experience of interviewing, regardless of what the future might hold. i'm not claiming that i didn't think about the outcome at any point during the process, but i made a conscious decision to stay focused on the interview, to enjoy that process before moving on to thinking about (or more accurately worrying about) what might or might not come after the interview.

it was a smart decision, and really enhanced the experience for me. and it's got me thinking about how we can approach life with a focus on the now. on being present in what's happening rather than preparing for what might.

i think doing so not only allows you to think about what you want to get out of the present moment, it prevents a lot of the worrying we take up our brain space doing. it makes me think of the quote: "you can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future."

so i'm going to try and use this experience as a model, to stay focused on what i'm doing now. to enjoy it, give it my full oomph and have fun! the future will be here soon enough to reveal what the outcome of my efforts has been.

as always, i'd love to hear about your adventures in the present! feel free to post 'em here!

dream big,

-kirsten

flirts from the universe

2005-04-25T15:45:00.000-07:00

the universe wants us to succeed. this is my hypothesis. one of my favorite poems, the desiderata by max ehrmann has a stanza which reads:

you are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
and whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

these words have always been deeply comforting to me. a reminder that in fact all is as it should be and i am ok. it wasn't until recently that i started to think about my role as a receptor of sorts in this process of unfolding.

my coach recently introduced me to the term 'flirts' from the universe. you know those little coincidences, opportunities and just plain sweet moments that seem to pop up suddenly from out of nowhere.

i don't think they are accidental. and i'm beginning to think that really noticing and cherishing them is the way to go. they almost always seem to lead down interesting paths which stretch and grow our perspectives.

one of the great things about these flirts is that they often seem unbelievable and have an almost magical quality. this energy they contain, this bold adventurous popping up out of nowhere quality, seems to show that flirts are a good indicator we are on the right path. that the universe is as max said "unfolding as it should." we just get to trust it and be watching for the opportunity to jump on and go for a spin.

my new pastime, flirt watching. try it. be aware of the unfolding of your life, and the little sparks that sometimes ignite. watch for the flirts, the universe wants you to have them. you just gotta be ready to jump on and say 'wheeee!'

dream big,
-kirsten

think big

2005-04-14T10:51:00.000-07:00

if i were to hand you one of my business cards on it you'd see the following:
dream big
think big. live big.

lately, i've been pondering the - think big - portion of my project. what exactly does it mean to think big? one of the first things that comes to mind, and it's a clever thought let me tell you, is that it's about deciding not to think small.
i know it seems way too obvious, but i think making that decision is actually a more powerful move than we might at first think.

you know the little voices in your head that often pop up when you are about to say something kind of risky, take a leap of faith, or act boldly with total confidence. they usually say something like "what are you thinking? you think you can do this?" or "here you go again making a total fool of yourself", i'm sure you can fill in the blank with your little voices particular flavor.

in coaching, we call these little guys gremlins. and boy are they pesky. i think their aim in life is to push us to think small. to only try things that don't risk unseating them from the throne they have comfortably placed in the center of our personal universe.

while all this talking about them as though they are their own little creatures may seem silly, i think it's useful in that it helps us to distinguish them from us. we are not our gremlins.

don't get me wrong everyone's got gremlins. but they are not us, they are simply the byproduct of growing up in the world we did. we've each accumulated a posse of these nasty little creatures from the mean things our older siblings said when we were little, the worries our parents obsessed about as we were growing up and the plain old misinformation this sometimes not so kind society we live in has passed on to us. these little guys are lying, mean, worry warts...and that's clearly not who we are.

so from my perspective thinking big has a lot to do with giving our gremlins the boot. deciding that when we hear those little voices begin to speak we are going to say "shut-up you little butthead i'm tired of listening to your crap!" don't you start to feel more powerful just saying it?

and that's the goal, to remember that in spite of what our gremlins may think the reality is that we are powerful, creative, brilliant, lovable people. we were designed to think big, to challenge ourselves to greater and greater adventures and undertakings.

so next time you are struggling to think big, try telling the little guys what's what and see if it helps clear some space for you to remember how kick ass you truly are.

dream big,
-kirsten

p.s. if you are interested in reading more about gremlins, check out: www.tamingyourgremlin.com

new & good

2005-04-04T07:12:00.000-07:00

when was the last time you had a conversation with someone where the focus was on what was going well in your lives? it's unfortunately not always a common occurence, but the energy and joy it can bring is worth going after.
when i connect with the people in my life, i do my best to replace the usual "how's it going?" with "what's new & good in your life?" it immediately shifts the conversation from a focus on what's stressful, overwhelming and crappy, to what we are enjoying about our lives and what's going well.

and the answer to the question "what's new & good?" doesn't have to be some huge life changing thing...it could be that you saw a great movie, or that you are loving the sunshine today, or maybe that you are really pleased with a project you just finished. and sometimes it will be the big life changing things, like i'm graduating in a week, or my sister just had a baby, or i finished the first draft of my book!

the great thing about focusing on the new & good...is that not only does it take your attention away from the stressful and overwhelming, it actually can often transform it. i'm not advocating pretense, or not sharing all of yourself with your friends and family. but i think we do a pretty good job of noticing what isn't going well...and sometimes we need a little prompting to remember that a lot is going well.

just the act of saying outloud one or two things that are new & good, can make handling the stressful, overwhelming and crappy seem much more doable. you are not a complete wreck, your life is not headed straight for the toilet, and wow you actually did handle that project really well didn't you!

so try it out, ask your friends and have them ask you...what's new & good, recent & decent or even fresh & fabulous!

and new & good with me? well, last night i got together with my family and we played this board game oodles...and numerous times were all reduced to laughing so hard we couldn't breathe. it was great!

dream big,
-kirsten

saying no

2005-03-28T07:35:00.000-08:00

one of the ideas that i've recently been trying to promote far and wide is about saying no. i think that often when we think about success we think of all the things we need to do to get there. following our dreams seems to become about one long and neverending to-do list. but what about the things we need to not do. saying no is a powerful way to get closer to our dreams.

recently, i decided to take the big leap and quit my full-time job so that i could put more time and energy into building my project - dream big. i knew that i'd have to take a part-time job to make the financial transition doable, so i started thinking about what i wanted that part-time job to be.

as it turned out saying no was invaluable in getting a job that would allow me the space to do things i really want to do. i didn't really have specifics for my ideal part-time job, but i knew what i didn't want. i decided to say no to a commute and to working more than 20 hours a week. i used these two criteria to help me find a great job. it's 3 miles from my house at 18 hours a week which will not only allow me the time to focus on building my business...it'll allow me to bike to work to boot! this is just one example, but it's been a powerful one in my life.

perhaps what you need to say no to is taking on that extra project at work, or hanging out with that friend who can never say a single positive thing, or watching another hour of tv. cheryl richardson, in her book take time for your life asserts that we should say no unless it's an absolute yes. what if you were to stop doing things out of obligation, routine or in order to please someone else.

try it out, think about your life, your dreams, your goals...what will you have to say no to in order to get the things you really want? i encourage you to make a list. list the things you really want, i.e. the things you want to say yes to. and then think about the corresponding things you will have to say no to get there. the best part - saying no is actually quite exhilarating!

dream big,
-kirsten

if kermit can do it...

2005-03-17T11:15:00.000-08:00

have you seen the 'pass it on' billboards around? they're the ones on bus stops and along the road with the inspiring messages. they are put out by this great organization called the foundation for a better life - http://www.forbetterlife.org.

well this kermit billboard is on a bus stop near my house and i pass by it regularly. i love the message. and i always think to myself, if kermit can do it...so can i! it reminds me that being cool or looking good isn't what is actually required for success. kermit is always just being his goofy self, and it is an undeniable fact that he's a hollywood star.

in fact, the more i think about kermit the more i realize that his silly, singing, joke telling ways are the exact things that make him appealing. what if we applied this to ourselves? what if we were unabashedly ourselves all the time. if we did whatever our equivalent of 'eats flies and dates a pig' are and trusted that we'd still end up reaching our dreams. or even went so far as to believe that this would be the exact thing to catapault us toward our dreams.

i actually think this is true. being your authentic self, and letting your inner - fingerpainter, music lover, computer geek - or whatever you've got inside out into the open for all of us to see is actually the key to success. how can we succeed with whole parts of ourselves shut away where no one sees them? and more importantly do we want to?

being our full selves, full-out is what life is all about. so i challenge you and me, to start showing more. to be more real, and let it all hang out. to not dismiss our passion for old movies, riding horses, or playing trivia games as silly...but to embrace every fly eating, pig dating part of ourselves as just right.

it sure does sound like more fun, doesn't it? as always, i'd love to hear what you try and how it goes!

dream big,
-kirsten

choosing your perspective

2005-02-27T10:35:00.000-08:00

life is strange. here i sit -- looking out at the rocky mountains (from my best friend's balcony in boulder, co) and in the tree in front of me is a plastic bag - snarled, torn and stuck high in the branches. as the wind blows it drifts about and makes that crinkly plastic bag sound. and i realize, i get to choose. i can focus on this dirty plastic bag or i can soak up the beautiful mountains. i can put my attention on the beauty and grandeur the mountains evoke, or the environmental decay and human irresponsibility the plastic bag represents. it really is my choice.

of course, there are times in life when we need to grieve, to be sad, frustrated or angry. i'm not advocating avoidance, or pretending the plastic bag isn't really there or that we don't need to do something about environmental degredation. but it seems to me that even those things can be done with your mind fixed on all the beautiful reality around you. that you can hold onto what is good while facing head on what you hate most.

it's like the difference between thinking of a funeral as a time to mourn the loss of a loved one vs. a time to celebrate that loved ones life. more and more i want to choose my perspective, to decide to focus on what is beautiful, amazing and just plain cool all around me. i want to stop worrying if everyone else is having a good time, and just decide to have one myself.

and it's interesting how once you notice that you have this choice of perspective -- the plastic bag almost becomes part of the beautiful picture. as it fills with air and flops around in the wind, i suddenly notice it says "giving our best" on it. life is strange, and lovely.

wanna play?

2005-02-18T21:14:00.000-08:00

remember when you were a little kid and your biggest priority was having enough time to play? what each of us liked to play varied based on our interests, but all of us loved to play. and secretly, or not so secretly, i think we all still do. unfortunately, as time goes on and we "grow up" we get the message that playing isn't important, that we don't have time, or simply that we're "too old for it."

jenny ward, disagrees with the idea that a person can be too old to play. she calls herself a play activist and i love her dedication to fun & play! in her recent article playful living she reminds us that:

Deep down inside, we are all craving to color outside the lines, or “mess” up without labeling ourselves failures. Perfectionism bruises the soul. Play allows your heart and soul to come out and dance. When I work with clients, I encourage them to erase “SHOULD, RIGHT, RESPONSIBLE and PERFECT” from the dictionaries called our minds. These words have very powerful intentions that have been passed down from generation to generation.“You should be this, you should do this, you better do that”, all over our society, placing tons of ideals and expectations on our plates.
I was tired of being told that I need to grow up and be responsible. Instead of “going with it” I chose to step outside that box and create a new way of being responsible. Instead of struggling I wanted to celebrate. Instead of being “the best” I chose to be happy. Life became a playground, offering new slides to climb up and new jungle gyms to easefully explore. PLAY became a way of life, not something on my “to do” list. In our world I notice that most adults are waiting until they are 65 in order to play. I don’t want to wait.

play is the brilliant method of learning that engages all of our senses as we creatively and freshly approach new people and things. not only is being playful fun, it allows us to learn while we relax, explore and challenge our bodies and minds.

what did you love to play when you were young? try making a list, and then start doing these things again. find a few minutes to dance every day, or hop on your bike and ride to the park, or call up a friend and ask them if they wanna play. try it and see what happens. and as always, i'd love to hear the thinking and learning you encounter along the way.

play big,
-kirsten

what do you really want?

2005-02-10T09:15:00.000-08:00

recently, i had a huge ephiphany about my life. i don't really want my career to be at the center of it. wow. this may sound simple to some of you...of course our friends, family and having fun are more important than our career...but for me this was revolutionary (and i imagine i'm not alone on this one). i reached this realization by being asked over and over again, what do you really want?

it's a question worth asking yourself, what do you really want?

imagine the shift it could make in your life if you really knew. for me, the decision to put my family, friends and having fun before my career has affected a multitude of things, from determining how many hours i want to work a week to what i spend my brain power strategizing about.

and think about it, why wouldn't you ask yourself this question. this is your life, right here, right now. what we really want, is well, what we really want. so why wouldn't we go after it? and i'll admit things do get in the way, we are constantly bombarded with things to do, people to see, and places to be. but if you take the time to slow down and answer this question...all of your decisions about what things to do, which people to see, and what places you want to be in, could suddenly be guided by what you really want.

so, try it. ask a friend and then have them ask you, or ask yourself and journal about your answers.

and when you are asking, trying putting the emphasis on different words in the sentence each time you ask..what do i really want? what do i really want? what do i really want?

most importantly have fun! and whatever you come up with, i'd love to read your answers, so feel free to post 'em here!

dream big,
-kirsten